Life is for living. Blessed Be

A few years ago, I started a site called "the Reluctant Psychic.COM".

the idea was to serve and protect... by letting folks find me, by doing what I was feeling called to do, by comforting and helpiong heal... it's a lot bigger than I can say here. I have walked into places you woul dnot believe and lived to tell about it.

I was also trying to agree with my guardian angels that I deserved to live comfortably while doing this work. It's all up to me.... so I at least tried.

Even though i have pay pal ,and even though the site exists, as I have just found out, I have not recieved one dime (on purpose), nor contacted anyone through there. When I say I am reluctant, I mean it.

I am reluctant about the word psychic, because most psychics are fools. However, what some call shaman know me when we meet. They keep and eye on me from a distance, but I seldom speak to them.

I have mentors, this is a different story. They know me for my work, too. But the words psychic and shaman are seldom mentioned. The whole emphasis is on SERVICE. Non-inteference.... living a simple life. What beauty we still see. There is no difference between gardening or psychic or intercessory work But psychic realms, for me are hindrance. I have too much imagination. I can do the intuitional thing, but I pay for the holes I step in....I like the idea of developing pragmatic routes far better now. Those folks who talk about prediction and such.... I am glad they are having fun with that. For me, the percentage of error, or the incredible harm that mis-interpretation can cause, lead me to leave that stuff for other folks. I'd rather figure out how to live a moment true.

It's all the same as being a mechanic, an artist, an actor, a housewife... a whatever you want... and you can even hold a job while practicing. Just intend to see folks worth caring about around you, don't wait to decide if you need them or not. Just intend to honor the shared space.

IN order to know this is true, and that this is enough....you have to study the underlying cause and effects and thought force energetics of the moments around you and in your world. What keeps them in flow? why are they brick walls... what is this rage and fear all about.... was it the cofffeeeeeee????? You have to be able to train yourself to see the thoughts behind/beneath the actions, and the other thoughts. They are their. And it just so happens that if we keep tripping, it means something... but we often have to take our time as to WHAT it means. I shy away from snappy answers. I would rather shift the cycle. Whatever works. Be careful about the illusoin that you are getting anywhere.

That's why it's all far easier just to keep busy.... do the work, monitor the intention. Notice the waves, ride 'em.

I do not like nor can I condone to myself, being compensated for helping someone.... But I never refuse a donation. this may sound like a trick. It's not. Right now, I need food. I've got old tofu, still good in the fridge, I hae rice to cook, in the fridge, I have tofu dogs, in the fridge. These were all donated. I have 270 cents. 2.00 of which I realize is part of Rick's recent artwork. spendable painted coins.... He showed me the coins, he never said I could have any... he did say they probably were not spendable, due to the paint... in an off-hand way, he said, "Want some change?"... but I knew it was conversational, not a real offer. I have freinds at Starbuck's, they sometimes buy me a coffee. I grabbed 2 bucks in coins, not to steal, but to borrow... just incase I would be embrassed because I can't afford the coffee. these are insights, for you, to my morning.... this sunday reality. I walked out of my Art truck, went to Starbuck's, and Ritzo bought me a coffee. No hesitation, I didn't have to ask. I didn't expect it. I was happy to see my freind. He was happy to see me. The coffee, well, I just finished it 8 hours later, after reading an e-mail from a friend laced with fear and dread... all aimed at me..... so far , so good. See what I mean?

I see what these steps are, and how this walk feels. Simultaneous to all this, I am still monitoring my deeper intention. I am noticing if I feel attacked. I am questioning myself about the lessons we are all sharing. I am sensing this is a real wave to ride. I am riding it.

But, I admit. Being on these waves and owing them so well never prepares me for the very unique one coming ahead.

They are always new. Each and every moment is unlike any gone before. It's just, not so easy to see cause they are strung together.

Man....
I need to hear some really funny jokes. I need to play some really true and deep music right now. Minutes later, a fresh view. wow. balance on the board.


Back to my reluctant Psychic diatribe....
If you read this blog, see my photo and study it long enough to see/know what is in my heart. If you see something good about that, then we already met.

When it comes to my mostly anonymous work, my current way of relating to my path; I learn with each project, each new step, with each expansion and I always have a dozen or more projects/plays/artworks in process. Some know me for my work, others do not. Doesn't matter to me, I do the work as gracefully as I can in the way that I am shown. And I learn from it. But I do not force it or even bring it up with a lot of people. they aren't a project.... we get to share time... but benath it, I am still working. In form of thught, intention... knwing when I need to get the steps flowing again.... I know it is never a mistake to answer a call to serve, there have been a few lately. some request art lessons. Some request martial arts lessons.... others request arrangement ideas or harmony parts on cds. Others want to sit and talk. I take note of th erquests. I have 6 paintings on order. I think I have grown enough to paint 2 of them, so far... I finished one, and I am hoping to get ready to be able to paint the really big request. You folks might laugh if I told you what it was... actually two major paintings, I am still gearing up to get ready to be able to paint. One has taken 4 years, so far.
Here they are;
White Buffalo Calf Woman

A wiseman-healer, life size, healing.


Who out there understands that I am not yet ready to paint either of these... though I really need the money? Who thinks I will be able to charge for all the brushwork I do, if I ever do it?
Who thinks I am over-exagerating the size of these projects?

Well, check it out;
the person who requested White Buffalo Calf Woman, studies the medicine path. She is sincere. She does the work. She empowers with her presence, and she uplifts and encourages....

White Buffalo Calf Woman is the sacred presence who brought the pipe to the Native peoples on this continent. she shows up in the lore. She shows up in visions, of people on the path. This can't be the white guy toe Knee version of the image. This has to be me tapping into that archtype, that presence.... I was able to paint the presence of spiitual people up till now. but each one was my own journey reflected. Now, I am being asked to find a way to paint BUFFALO CALF WOMAN. And, I gotta tell you, I can't fake it. So, this means,m for me, to face this as a purification ritual. I see no way to be able to become ready, but soon BY THE DOING I will make it there. It's just that I need this running start. In this way, I fool people into thinking I am an artist. I am not an artist, really. the art is a by-product. I could teach anybody everything they need to practice in less than an hour. Practice it for a week, and you'll soon paint better than me.

but, it won't teach you how to find the right paintings to paint.

for me, when I paint houses, I am praying for the folks who live in the house. My intention is in the brush, it's in every drip of paint on my pants. they hire me to paint the house. I get paid for the house I painted, but the prayers are free. the intention is free. Being ready for the right intention behind the strokes... well that's a lot of grueling hard work. And you can still mess up, big time.

My chiropractor friend has a painting I did of Red Cloud. I traded him for treatments. when he treated me, I told him exactly how each move changed me... I felt I had to help him, using me as a practice tool... besides, I got fixed, too. And now, that painting on his wall greets everyone. folks feel welcomed into his place/office. He asked me for a healing presence for the treatment room. I can almost see it in my mind's eye. that took 4 years, as I have already said. I think I can almost paint that one. Meanwhile, the state of California claims I owe back taxes.... maybe I'll be painting that one in jail.... who knows.

It is almost always a mistake for me to think I personally will see the intended results of the "work" I do, or if the results are really my intention, or idea of expected outcome. Rarely are they anything I could have seen. the more flwoing the intent, the larger the expanded outcome and the less I see I actually had to do. Sometimes, I get to watch other folks step in before I even think about a thing close to the outcome. That's when I understand that we all participate in the flow of outcome... whether we claim it, no it, intend it or not. We are here. Oh well. Might as well just make it work. As good a reason as any.

I sometimes feel like I see a lot of sparkles, and sometimes I get really surprised how sweetly and smoothly a slight intention can lift a burden. And usually I feel my own lifted, as well. So, as usual, all love IS directed to the self. I guess this isn't selfless work, at all.


We all do this.

The only difference, with me, I guess, is that I have this silly idea that I intend to do it.

I have a certain skill. But the same exact skill is also easy to see as a handicap. I've learned to know how it's variety of reflection feels vibrationally bouncing back to me, and it's as if I am charting a route through a storm, so to speak. It could just as well be that I am blind.

But, it really doesn't matter. I am getting clarity about how to navigate with what reference points I have learned to see. And they match the same cues others always follow, if they are living real and true. We go towards our fruition. We try not to harm, we learn and grow wiser, we seek to lighten each others burdens... etc. etc. Same as any worthwhile path. So, it must be good.

I can't give specifics at this time, about how my current waves will finish out, once these rides are through. I can only say, I am never surprised.

The reason I am reluctant about this whole psychic thing, or the use of more percentages of the brain... is that I sometomes see that intention is not the only part that needs monitored. The basics of Timing and insistance are also far more necessary than any insight. Insight is easy. But you can destroy a person's life by showing them something they have never wanted to allow themselves to think. Insight has to be a personal choice. You ask your own questions.... you make your own choices. We all need to realize that we should ask questions when we are ready for the real answers. We have to be ready... so we should work up to the big questions.

My own standards include noticing the very quiver of a thought, especilly if it is tied to actions/ideas/intentions in my life, that seem to be or are cruel towards others. If you study yourself, and your fleeting thoughts, you can see beneath the why. You can fix it from their. But you have to be ready, have the time... learn patience and step by step, see/ask/know. The person inside us that lashes out senses the locked door/closet inside where freedom awaits.... and if we accomplish this, to a degree, we have far more to give.

I know I still have such work to do. Therefore, my "psychic service" role still is amintained n the "reluctant realm". so... I started this dot com service palce, the "Reluctant Psychic", and it still waits for me to allow it to bring in-flow. I am really concerned about guiding anyone in the wrong direction.

Just like physical healing, you have to gear yourself towards studying what brought that thought /idea forth, whatever it is, if it holds you back. Including the idea of being ready to be of service.

Meantime, I still have folks who show up , now and then, and in a brief conversation we shift what needs to be shifted. Usually something they already know. A little validation... a double check Q & A... and off they go.

No charge.


Shining something back towards a poerson could take 10 years to blossom as the beauty flower it was meant to be.

You can expect to see results. that's ego. I welcome the good reports. Got any?

Patience counts.

I love it when a "miracle" occurs right in front of me... but, I have been hearing back from some people who feel my use of that word in this blog is like a slap in their face. I am so sorry... really. for me , it's not such a big word. You are hungry, you need something tasty, you walk the dog around the block and a neighbor gives you the sweetest homegrown organic apples, and a few to take home. i call that a miracle. what else could it be? it includes all these folks, all happy and fresh, excellent-non-gnentically goofed with apples... Why, even the dog is happy! It's so much bigger than having an apple appear in your hand when you asked "I need something sweet to eat".

Here we have such an excellent example of how a thought, intent, widens through all these shared moemnts and folks are reluctant to call it miracle! and then right next to it, they would fall for a slight of hand trick ala David Blain, notice they were fooled, know it was a trick and say "that's magic, do it again"... which is the real miracle?

Is it, for example a real miracle when I paint a painting that somebody sends to someone that touches their hearts so deeply their whole office shuts down and they dance for tearful joy? well, I've done that... or did I? My real expereince was that I saw it coming like a wave,and I co-operated with it.... what's so special about this? don't we do it with our evry action intention... so, what is so special. I painted it from that level, seeing where it was going and it wnet all the way. man, I love it. I lopve hearing about those tears of joy.... I felt like I was a worthwhile human that week. I live for those. yeah

When I get to see something coming that is good and I am able to help a team of goodhearted people use their actions and thoughts wisely towards that goal, it's far better than a solo painting thorhg the hands of a dozen people... but then again, how culd it be... each result was a blessing... that's all I know.


I love that.

I need it often enough to help me as I nurture fparts of myself, and others from a distance, while other's remember me, in their own time... I also get to remember their true self, in my time.... mutual ... this is life... don't you think? we, all of us, on this wheel, in slowmo, until we see each other true....
................

Trying to play an intentional part... now that is an art and still floats as a gola in front of me... I may be able to get ready for it someday...

There is such an emphasis on quick fixes in our world these days, I cannot place myself in front of moving trains as much as I wish. Trying to serve often includes a shift that is as big as tryng to shift out of the way of a fast moving train. It isn't as much fun as it may sound.

sometimes you get to notice what comes with walking a few steps in someone else's shoes. Empathy... wow. Not for everybody.

I try o shield folks from carrying my burdens... but I still get all anxious if I see stuff I like to carry around. Once I pick it up... oooops. Not fair to let it go just anyway... feel s like a time bomb... who's was this anyway?.... Oh, I see, now it's mine....
oooops.

I have not always seen a result that the person can handle.

so, I take more care about picking up their burdens so fast.
....


If I have the time, I prefer to continue to test myself in minor first hand ways.

Yet, I've seen people heal and I have seen people grow in ways that is nothing short of a miracle. those stories are ready to be told.. but not for bragiing. For example, what you can also do... but be careful. It's not for everybody.

If there was a healing.

I didn't do that.

If anything , I may have told them it was waiting for them. and I helped them answer the knock at their own door.

Very satisfying.

I suppose I am not as reluctant as I said I was.

but then again.... who is ever ready for the big moments. I believe we all get to feel swept by the waves around us, just often enough to show us that we may have gotten more ready/or are maybe needing just a little more work yet.... Get ready to get grateful if you get more chances....

4 years ago, I drove down from the mountain and I saw a person in pain. I filmed the evidence around his trauma in an objective way. Within 2 weeks, the house I filmed where the incident occurred was demolished. The one bad policeman thought he was in the clear, but may have become (by now) a better policeman. He wasn't ready to face the evidence filmed. Yet, the tape surfaced. This thing has gone to trial 3 times, hung jury twice, and now I show up on the scene to face the liar. Yet, now, I no longer see a liar. I see a better man. I see honorable men. I know, now, why I lost so much stepping in front of that "train" for other humans. So, we all could learn. All I knew, back when I filmed that footage, was I was called by my vow to protect a person who had been traumatized. By now, the longstanding honest policeman must have helped the one who was lagging. I believed my friend, I filmed the truth. I did not shade anything. I did my best for all. but now, I see only the honest left. I thought I had figured it out. Dave Mcbay is telling the truth, a policeman lied. that was then, maybe. I wasn't there. But I see better people today. Was it worth all the things I felt I lost, to be the man to be there then , holding out for this future that became NOW? I have no grudge against police, and I don't want to know. but I think my life was helped to cliff's edge. Yet I did not fall. I needed those tests... whether they were deliverd by sneaky late night actions of masked men, or if they were my shadow selves. I still needed those true kinda tests... not the video game version, not the charade. We only learn true when it is real. I used tro say, about this footage filmed, "I am only here to expose the lie".

Now that it has all been judged, studied and ruled. I am in a whole new place.

I am only here "to expose the truth".

And that means, including me. That we are all worth the lessons we learn. that we are all worth the second chances... that we are all on the way to becoming equal and worthy of our life's blessings. My tests are equal to his tests.

he was/is no more a liar than I have also been.... at times....

we lie to ourselves every day we do less than we are able to do... especially for others.

They've all now seen me as I am, having weathered their mistaken siding with the liar. But that was then. I see us all aligning with the truth , now. And this is a far better vision, by far.

It was worth the 4 years.

It was worth the sacrifices.

I was glad to play a part.

Thank God. ....and this is acceptable, yes... this is honor.

I love the police. I know that kind of work, mine sometimes feels similar. I have been in equally dangerous places as they have, while doing my service... some of those steps still haunt me. Helping a person through a dark alley, to their home, yet you have to walk back... oh, oh.

I know it's hard for the police to match the numbers of times they are called to serve, with perfect action/results... how can /could we ever expect that from anyone?



I know they read this... but, they/we/all of us need to watch over our own. We need to calm each other down, if need be. I know I need calming down from time to time.

We need to endeavor to see more clearly each day and find new ways to be in balance, and then study how we could have done better. What else is there?

It is possible, and confessing is far more depth of relief than we can imagine while burdened.

I do not accuse.

I felt called to serve when I filmed what also supports the honest police, as well as the friend of mine that got threatened and cut up and mangled by the liar.

Yet life goes on, and a liar yesterday could be our best friend/saviour today...

Maybe I will have another chance someday to get back all the precious things that have been taken, over the years od trying to help folks faced with threats against them....

I still carry my old wounds, though they gradually are subsiding, caused (in part) by an over zealous individual in a police uniform.

Yet, I thank god today, for the honest police. They are the majority, and they have watched me, helped me, greeted me, and protected me... and they are proud of me, I think, for the work I try to do... simply because I am not siding against them.

We are all people.

They are sorry for believing the liar, and for doing what the liar said to do to hurt me or keep me from having a life worth living.... if they did that. I think some peculiar things happneed... but maybe I am wrong.

A lot of people are so convinced they knoew me, after hearing an opinion from someone who has never known me, that they just tend to stumble, until they meet me face to face and see that I am not that scary.

I filmed what I filmed to protect all the honest.

It's now history and time to move on.
Let's all be better from here on out.

this is what I said to the police involved in the case, where I shot tohe evidence objectively. "I hope we can all become better people". I said it honestly, no judgement.

Nobody else in the room, but me, and them, their lawyers, the other officer.

"I mean you no harm"

"I'm the guy who shot the video".

"I am hoping we all have happy fulfilled lives".

.....................

I just bet it took me these past 4 years to become the person who could say that, mean it and feel this good about all this....

reluctant... what, me reluctant?

well... I sure guess not so reluctant after all.



.........................................
If need be, I may now decide to be available through reluctantpsychic.com, cause I am not as reluctant anymore. So I will test this there, then I will rename it to what it really is, and I'll keep you posted.

I get to understand that these kinds of waves go with this kind of surfing.

Anything that interferes with me smoothly transitioning to a smoother life, has to be held in check. Studied, practiced, and reviewed.

........................................
It's different now.

I have practiced a wide range.

The people I served yesterday,
one after the other
were just like you and me...

and I was able to
validate myself in that service,
anonymous and fresh
fresh from the hole the bad guy thought
.....he had buried me in forever.

..... I dust myself off
and I put ole Roy's sunglasses on....

.........and then I sing
"Blessed Be,
Blessed Be,
there's more good
than I'll ever get to see,
blessed be, blessed be"