Save ONE

SAVE ONE....

GET ready to feel offended if you think I might know what I am talking about in this blog....

GET ready to feel offended if you think I am completely full of s**t.

I am not trying to convince myself or you or anybody of anything I write here... and the truth is... especially today... I don't really want to write this.

But... I have to .

and it all comes down to this....

If you want to save the world... start by saving ONE person.

and if you are confused about who that might be... look in the mirror... and if you think it worked , to a degree, that first project....

then be careful how you practise your attempts to save others...but practise anyway, with disgression... and how about starting with a smile, an unconditional smile...in the mirror, then in the mirror of life...long distance?

If that worked, you may not know it... but without trying, almost without even a sacrifice...you may have saved ONE more... then try saving ONE more... after that... if you see, over time that it lasted..

what do I mean by "save"...How about shining a light on something somebody else has, unique to them, that they may forgotten, they can offer? How about not pretending or acting or dreaming up, but actually seeing a part of them they yearn to have reflected? Or...how about helping them feel the courage to discover such things, if you can't see them? a reason to go forward...How about that? I realize the word "save is a loaded word"... bettter for a person to feel as if they are of value than walking around in emptiness.

If you do succeed, it probably won't be for any of the process or the resuilts, or reasons, or the ideas of how, or the methods... or WHAT YOU idolize as the goal...it probablly WILL be because of the intent... EVEN if the RESULTS seem like failure... the intent will carry a life forward with hope...if it ever works. Something to look forward to, beyond the steel and gray.

and if you DO succeed in saving that one person, yourself... or another person, somebody else......

you may have easily saved as many as 33 people's lives in the process.

There won't be any badges. There won't be any award ceremonies...or stars in the sidewalk...you might not even know you make a difference... or how much of a difference you made...

It just so happens that the better you get at doing it, the less aware you or anyone else might be that you did anything.

and if they guess what your intent is, ALL the more reasons, you might want to discourage them from noticing any of it...

Call it the love of Jesus, or the path of renunciation, or healing process, or actualized human-care... call it anything you want...

If it ever works, whatever you do, for someone else... you finally start to see that you regain a part of yourself...you shed a light on your own value, as well as your won bulls**t...and you ultimately will benefit more.

Now that I've said that...

The first thing I can tell you for sure...is this... it's not about you.

That's not why I had to write this...Considering any part of this to be true, it is a conviction of myself... my own path, my last 40 years of of efforts, and my future efforts. And the quality of my intent.

And ONLY if any of it rings true for you...do you know the part inside yourself that also stands convicted and only you know... in that empty part you wished were filled up today... the part separated... wwe all have parts of ourselves and our lives we yearn to share with others... If you could ever try to do better, then face it... and breathe...But don't get all excited that you can be a better person. Only time will tell...the proof is in the pudding... Only lasting results count...More people have been killed in the path of "good" and in the name of religion, ...than anywhere else...

How about a wrench in the machine? A whistle blower... the person who suggests the world is round?

We are all walking on the FLAT of this world, ... I haven't flown far enough to see the earth's curve... No matter where you go, there you are... It has to start where you stand. With the next breath...





By now you have seen some of the video of that kid in Virginia.

The one who did the movie version, so similar to Swatzenegger, Willis, thousands of others... we've paraded and worhipped as role models.

All eulogizing the last remnants of success thrugh trying to fix the world with force... the same way we inundate, yes WE, inundate & teach all our children to the drama of physical force over problems, challenges, difficulties... as a method for muddling through failure... through media and our favored fictional role models.

Look into the eyes of that person in Virginia on that home video tape... notice the inner shame, the isolation... the loneliness...Wait a couple of years and you will see that the next generation will pcik him out as ahero, too... the same way some worship Manson...

We all know how it mimmicks what we have all agreed works, and has turned into the same solution this culture claims will get the prize...the oscar... the blockbuster awards....It has nothing to do with talent, it has to do with your PR firm... send out a lot of key video clips to key influential freinds and associates, and you too can claim your gold statue...The true visionary films or important documents, breakthroughs of this world exist, but they surface 20 to 30 years later... the film 2001, for example, the film "it's a wonderful life"... there's hundreds more examples, you can find them the day they are released, but you have to see beyond the illusion of fashion, pr, the game...

Our biggest blockbuster heros, the sameones who look silly when they can't evenhold a conversation on a talk show... the two fisted gun slingers, the ones our society parades to our children... we get to see them surface in lost souls, the same souls we walk past on the way to the post office...the lost of our society area all around us... we see them shoved in our face looking like the heros we agree we can train our children to be...how? by plopping the kids in front of a tv and dvd player and internet as baby sitters... Now..all over the media, a 20 year old kid, The two fisted gun... the blaze of glory. And daily in the street gangs, ...ongoing... a confusion of war everywhere...and we are gonna straighten out another country? ... really.

We are all going to see more and more of this, unless we get a handle on what it really is...

I sometimes wonder if these events can actually be seen by the people of our nation, for what they really mean.

How more unsatisfying can a "moment of silence " be? To know that a "moment of silence" is no longer prayer..., no longer introspective thought...no longer long enough for anyone to feel anything... Why are the "moment's of silence" so short? So empty... so goofy? Close your eyes, shut the door, and listen... listen to what your mind chatters...that is the reason... People go crazy in "silence" these days... It's the first place you get to find out you have no peace. And you get to see what you built... You get to hear the constant noise of our society... You get to notice that none of it satisfies.

Oh , there is peace in silence... but it's only findable if you wash yourself clean... and that, nowadays requires a little effort...It used to be free and findable ... but now, it requires training. Calming the body, calms the mind... who knows how? If you fgind someone who does know how, you will see they are active in service, and they don't worry about it...they just do... walk or work along side them... call it volunteer work... study the peace you build in your heart by taking your mind and focus off of the problems and onto the doing...A perfect excersise class, in my view, wouldbe a group of folks who go and build things, clean things, resolve things, assemble groups for sharing and expressing LIFE together... the weight would evaporate... and the results in the heart, mind and soul would be seen...

20 years ago... a movie came out called "Grand Canyon"...

Rent it...

33 people died in virginia.

If you have studied Nelson Mandala, or Mother Theresa, or Princes Diana, or Bob Marley or anyone who learned their own lessons then took a few steps daily to try to make up for the previous ideas, byt searching to give a little more than they thought they had to give...you will find story after story after story of people in all postions who felt they never thought they deserved another chance.

Somehow, they figured it out...and recieved that next step.

Nelson Mandela said it "took him 20 years of daily torture to finally realize his own heart had to change and he started to DECIDE to feel compassion for the guard who brought him to daily torture". 7 more years of that, and he was finally the person we now know... and how do we know this?

His own testimony....

and what does he say? He says that he "did all the same things to his enemy, that his enemy did to him..."


He stood convicted, by his own words...and made it different. but he also passed it along... the lesson wasn't, isn't lost...

... and all those who point to the SAINT he now is, as if that's who he always was, are ALL part of the same circle of problems we all face daily.

It's not where we came from or who we were.

It's what we BECOME... that matters.

The inequity of this world is going to produce rage and anger.

Any study of our US history and you can find example after example of excellent HOLLYWOOD reasons for trying to settle things with a gun. Every ethnic group can find reasons...And, right alongside of thsoe reasons, you can find the modern day role models who show example sof how to make a 90 minute movie work, who also prove the stupidity of fame built on PR persona, rather than ACTIONS...

now I know why that smirk often visits the ones who still have a conscience, when they sit and discuss the next big thing, which is actually their next big joke on us, them... our future...while they describe a ROLE they played in snippets of 10 seconds or less... a character that mimmicks reality, but is not reality, on a talk show...they know they are not real heros...they know their own lives would never measure up to what the people reflect back through the illusion, the idolatry, the mimmickry...

Yet we all buy it...

And walk away from our own inner rage, our own inner isolation, while watching such versions of"reality"...or take a pill to disguise the truth we almost still can know inside our own heart... the difference we could have made, if we had used just one segment of that time...lost inside a pretend versioin of ourselves, with the courage of a pill to establish and support our fake smile...and get us more votes...with a fake smile...

From the leaders on down...nobody home. Haven't we had enough?



Mother Theresa never started out as Mother Theresa. She was a young egotistical nun, who got transformed looking into the eyes of peasants, when she was forced to sit among them on a train ride...exactly where she initially refused to sit...but there was no other place, so she had to be "among the people"... her fake version of service to Jesus got replaced with the real thing...but it took years of practise to become real...and it took 30 years for any of that to finally percolate towards who she became to be know to be...

You gotta go with what you got...you have to try and fail....you have to convince yourself you are making a difference year upon year until you see through your own ego about it, through your own efforts...and notice that inspite of alll your failures, the intention actually resulted in some things lasting... something you could see was good enough tohave been done... for her, it all came down to filling the bellies of the people. It got really basic.

You don't have to be MOther theresa to get results, you only have to show a little interest in another person, enough to see the real part of them they want to believe in , themselves... reflect the little flicker of that light...and then... maybe then... you will see that rage is a mask of a person in fear.

Then...maybe then... you will notice 32 people are grieved, one person is blamed... and nobody seems to see that one person was left out, start to finish. And that one person represents all of us, at one point or another in our lives...

who the f**k am I to say these things?

Ok... the truth...it took me losing everything precious and NOT PICKING UP A GUN to fix it... for the real study in my own heart to begin.

What do I get for continuing the walk, as it now stands, forward?

Every so often I get the feeling that my heart changed, andthe only time I notice how much it changed is when I find myself, yes... find myself...while I shed real tears of joy seeing somebody else get a "dream come true".

NO matter how huge or or small the steps, it's always the light that others shine when they feel that sense of accomplishment or sense that they deserved that dream...

So...these days, I see myself uploading videos of many folks I have researched, studied or appreciated, watching them do their Karoke in their shoe store, or sing on the street, or teaching a life lesson... pretty soon I started to notice that I HAD spent some time in wise ways these last 20 years... There's gonna be hundreds of these video clips, stuff I shot that has already been aired in the Bay area, finally seen world wide on YOUtube. I am almost noticing that MAYBE I was making a small difference... I was so busy trying to do something positive rather than find enemies, finding those worth saluting... I truly hadn't realized I was actaully doing it...

You know... the path is right where we stand...you don't have to get on a boat or a train then a plane then a bus then a donkey to ride to where you can find a 5 star hotel, take a taxi, get your personal assistants to give you the research prep-pep talk, then take a pill so you can smile...and dig a ditch...

Start. it's just one step from where you stand right now. It might be as simple as a real conversation with the person making your Latte.



NOT TOO LONG AGO. I stood out on a street in a new city, not long ago...smoking the cigar I had sheltered in my vest for weeks... and I was really ready to smoke that cigar. As I stood out there on that street alone, I noticed that storeowners were nervous about where I was standing... They'd peek their heads out and ask me to move down the block... nervous and frightened... I noticed they were.

I thought it was the smoke...or maybe it was because I ws a white guy... or a new unknown presence...or maybe it was the bright COLORS of my artistic clothes I was wearing...the colors.

Soon, a person of another race sauntered down the block and stood in front of me... "dude, you got a cigarette?"

my answer... "no..just another cigar... want it?"

"No...I was looking for a cigarette".

... "well", I said... " you are passing up an excellent smoke..this one is kicking my ass in a really good way right now...and I am loving it...you gotta try a cigar someday"

then he said... "Ok... I'll try it ".

I lit the cigar for him, and we talked about that city for about 30 seconds, and then he was more at ease... and our conversation became more real...then he pulled back his sweatshirt and showed me the GLOCK 9mm in his belt/pants....

He leaned over to me and motioned down the street, saying, "I am going to blow that guy's head off if he doesn't stop talking to my sister"

This is a true story, folks. I was standing on a strange street, in a strange city...I was a new comer. Later on, I pieced it all together that they all were protecting each other, onthat street... because they felt unprotected...and, for awhile, that guy thought I was part of the other guy's back up..until I shared the smoke and showed comfort.... treated him as an equal, and NO I was not afraid... in the least... amazing, aye?

Somebody else, in that same circumstance may have ended up in a pool of blood...

He and I shared our smoke, talked about how hard it is to survive... views we shared about wanting to see our family safe and to findcomfort in the world, somehow...someday...so many things we had in common. 3 different genetic structures, all in a triangle of energy that night... while he and I smoked the cigars, time went by, and that "enemy" of the other guy walked away from the sister... nobody died...no guns were drawn...


The impact of that shared smoke changed worlds in the future, for more than one person, and brings you this story today.

I have dozens of stories like this, all on the same theme of "guns", but that is not the realstory...the real story is good people recognising good people and reminding each other of that part

...unless you read deeper you are going to miss it.

10 years ago, I was searching for a gun to "jump in front of , to save another person's life", from a symbolic "enemy".



NOW...Not only do I find joy in seeing other people get their dream come true, but I also understood that I wasn't there to stop a war, that night... I was there to share some time... equal time... not higher to lower or lower to higher...not getting anything from it but the shared time...and a few laughs..yeah we eventually wereso releaxed together that we told each other a few jokes, too.

How many times do you reach out to people and bring your judgement along?

HOw many times do you reach out to people and try to change them?

How many times do you reach out to people and try to convert them, ???

When you go to sleep each night, do you get a rush believing that you are doing "the lord's work?" Meanwhile maintining that point of separation and that ego rush?

It's time to figure out something...

thoughts do EQUAL actions. If you think it, you are doing it.

If you play the part in the movie, and get paid to play the part in the movie...you are accepting an exchange for something you never earned, learned , survived, accomplished.... those eyes of idolized fans should make you feel empty.

If not... you may be dangerous to us all.

We teach youngsters to kill legally with no feeling or pangs of conscience.

They do so, through buisness, through judgement, through a whole range of ways untraceable and untrackable.

And are rewarded.

I know, I know, I know...

there's some who would consider this rant to be simlar to the one folks get to hear from that kid in Virginia.

It's a different rant.

I suggest that you walk past people who walk in his kind of shoes daily.

You ignore that person.

all it takes, sometimes, is a smile and an encouraging word.

We are all trained to distance ourselves and figure out who the enemy is...

Yes we are.

It's our society now.

And if we are living here, we play a part in every grievance.

You know... so many of us born since WW2 think that the USA was always a "super power". We were somewhere around 18th in ranking, until we detonated the atom bombs.

It's gonna take more than fear to keep this planet alive another hundred years.

By the way... it wasn't meant to last forever.

It's only been a stop off place at best.

We all came from somewhere else,a nd we are all gonna leave it.

One way or the other.

Every twist of fashion always looks ridiculous 10 years later.

How long willyour awards last shiny?

Will anybody give a s**t in tne years?

25 grand will get you a star on the walk of fame.

It's been proven a long time ago,that you can get more famous sooner by doing garbage...

So...

If you want to live high from plane to plane while folks keep you doped to smile... it's right in front of you and you could do it... easily ...justby making a few pieces of s**t like Quentin has.

What we allneed is redemption.

and you won't feel any in your heart until you step up to the plate and faceyour own truth.... and take it from there.

The only time you will know that anything real happened, is when you see a video of a lost soul...and you understand that.... if you could have made a difference in that person's life...it would have never been known... but 33 people might be walking around today.

Things change.

We have all been watching a fiasco... and letting it parade as reality.

we get to choose the realtiy we share...

what of your talents and gifts are you going to bring to the table to help those who have been lost and left behind to feel they have a chance at peace too?

You can't buy it in a store...

It's what's in your heart.

and it starts by noticing how much you love condemning a chosen example of evil...

............

NOT MEDICAL ADVICE

The human brain is 98% fat.

If you eat garbage food, the brain reconstructs itself over a period of time into a lessor version of what a brain can be.

If you take Omega oils, the ones that align with your unique genetic, you can rebuild a brain inside of 2-7 years.

If you decide to want to have your brain work great... but have expereinced trauma in you life, then you can nutritionally support the process of REAL memory and re-construct the brain simultaneously...

when trauma is experienced in the human life, it saps essential nutrients and forms a disfunctioning brain that no medication can fix...but recovered memory and proper guidance and nutrition can all combine to create a "problem solving" brain from a confused traumatized brain.

When society learns this, and you yourself can study it , it's all published data and proven...try it out...for yourself...
... when society learns this, then psychologists will stop being the top paid professionals, and the same goes for lawyers (by the way, lawyers, as a profession were beneath thelevel of grave diggers up until the times of the INquisition, whre family , friends, turned each other in as heretics...and the "church" martyred 25 million... ) ...

It takes YOU to try for yourself... FIRST.... to make a difference...And that means to pick up your God/Goddess given talents and use them for the good of yourself and others... bring color back to our world..... help walk us away from plastic, steel, garbage, greed....

And as far as traumatized children, they can and WILL be recovered early in their traumatic life chapters, sooner... through intervention... as soon as we all decide that parents could use a little training, ... couldn't they? Since they are building our next chapters for this earth process.

And that training might mean finding ways ot reach out to eachother, rather than betraying each other "with fashion"... sounds goofy, I know... but ... it's either gonna be "Mean Girls" and "Pulp Fiction" for us all...or it's gonna be something like closer to real life with a healthy dose of second chances.... for those who earn them.

Something Like a Valentine

It was about 2 years ago... in the Spring.

I was hijacked on a premise.

In theory somebody I was helping, wanted to give me a vacation from strain, as well as offer me an apology for selling me down a river... in a handbasket... Something I had figured out, that embarassed them and made them get on their knees , crying and begging forgiveness... well...that was good enough for me..that along with the commitment to fix the goofy rumor they created out of fear...

My counter proposal suggested by me, was this; "Let me dive in deeper and help you more" So... they wanted to just wander around Hawaii and let folks carry luggage and spend money on massages... etc... food.. etc... I said..."fine"... but it wasn't necessary. I could have just settled for a few decent silent or tranquil walks together in a local park...that plus fixing my reputation, they had helped destroy...that was good enough... no money needed to be spent. But since they insisted on this "break from stress", I suggested, yeah... like I said...I suggested "hey, let me help you more!"

For me, this meant helping them to see and meet the REAL people.

To start seeing the baggage carriers and valets as something more than just items, or robots, who get tipped. Sure... they insisted on showcasing their world to me...the kind that Spielberg and others had walked inside of, just weeks before we'd arrived....but I countered that idea-plan and insisted on showcasing my world inside of theirs... meeting the real people....the ones who deliver the food, cook the food...trim the manicured lawns...perform the massages.

This is all a touchy subject now.

It's not that I don't appreciate the "vacation"...but it soon started to be a sort of "weight" for me to carry, unless I found another way...and I was so surprised that that other way was right there and ready to be experienced...Holy Moly! I didn't have to walk inside that as an artificial world, anymore.... Yeah... sure was that way for me, those days, artificial ... at first for a few minutes each day...so I filmed it... and somehow I was seeing new...through new art eyes...unbelievable... 

At the very same time, I was realizing, I didn't curse it. Something had expanded in my heart from various losses over the years. ... yeah I enjoyed the idea of "time off"...but I also saw the artificial insulated world for what it was... a world of empty living unless we filled it further with life...unless we BROUGHT our full selves into it...complimented people, and really tried to bring something from our hearts to share along the way. ...I couldn't help but noticing that the part which was insulated from us, also exchanged reality with emptiness, and could fill it with life...

AND THE PART I had to let go of, in order to truly be there, was my own self-judgement. 

so, on my cue, we gathered ourselves and really endeavored to meet everyone we could meet. Being wherever we were 100%... Truly showing up inside each day. 

Seeing others not as backgrounds for our travel, but as participants. Folks who either shared our path...or carried the luggage for us, also shared our air, our vibration..., our time...as we shared ours with them...

You know what? 

Those folks who parked the cars were always amazed that it mattered to me how the day was going for them... it wasn't some empty "how yah doing"...but a real conversation...and this surprised the person footing the bill... Because she was finding the part of herself she had prayed to find... We soon found out whether others had hopes or dreams they were building by doing that work, carrying or cooking for us. . And YES, it was super necesssary for me to carry the luggage, too, right beside them...and they always got a better tip as well. I would not allow it any other way.

I really don't want to start any wars over this...

or sound like a saint.

You have to notice I am sharing this for a reason...and the reason matters.

I have to say... I felt at peace this time around seeing inside the life I could have had if I had gone to war against my betraying business partner, of years before. I experienced , once again what it could have been like to be part of the "jet set"... How my version would have been far different than th edownfall I had feared... 

For me, the folks carrying the bags and cooking the meals made more sense...felt more like potential friends, borthers, sisters, and family, than most... I also saw compatriots among the folks on the airport buses... among the "tourists" at the resaurants, in th emuseums, or on planes with us. . Something inside me was different.... .

The way most folks allow for the discrepancy between the "haves" and the "have nots" is 99% of the reason I had walked out of my early recording deals... Why I was almost glad that some opportunities had been stolen by folks who had been raised in wealth, all through out my life...the secret envious competitors who haven't the talent, the ones who took the credit.... Up till that Hawaii trip, I had found a certain peace in knowing that not having a vicious high powered attorney protecting my process , I had let folks hijack my ideas or steal my share of whatever was built in my life till now.But now I could truly see that it was not peace...it was a goofy kind of stupidity that my judgement had clouded.

I think a part of me never wanted to lose my connection with the earth... I chose for good reasons, to leave myself out of wht I had desreved. I let jokers steal my wife...yet...I saw I was a fool...in certain ways. The premise that kindness and compassoin cannot go hand in hand with reward, that was the goofy part. Silly me...to say the least. It's a hard thing to admit to. And why I can't allow folks to convince me, anymore...who the "enemy is". 

With my judgement gone, I saw where I could have made a difference. 

I would love to suggest to everyone, who reads this... That if you have a hit record, but you treat a valet like garbage you are a failure, in my world.

Yeah...and I mean it.

But me saying it all those years was me being stupid...in other words, I was at least 90% of the problem. Think of the difference I could have made if I had collected a Grammy and taken the common vision along with me to the podium... what a fool I was ...what a fool I was...

And if I step back up and do my thing, then meet you...I won't be shaking your hand if you are an egotistical bastard...but I won't be cursing you either...I will just be the one who already left. I'll have to assume, now , that my own visin is clouded...that I may not be correct about who you are...that everyone learns about life in their own way...that stepping away allows confusion to grow, if we have something to offer...but refuse to share it. Maybe it was just the wrong day to cross paths. My version of such an experience is not necessarily the truth...since I know we all have to bring the beauty with us...if we curse or reject others, we have brought dirt... a great reason to leave...but don't blame it on anybody but yourself.



Hey, check it out...I actually met some really good hearted people who were traveling on their retirement money and showing compassion everywhere they went, on the trip to Hawaii.

It surprised me.


I had to understand where and when I had actually dropped my judgement in the years leading to that... and guess what... it was when I was living on the street that I had fixed my vision.... somewhere in my plea to God for something better than an empty life in the grey world. Seeing that new part of me, helped me to understand that I knew myslef to be more than a person invented by God to crucify others.


I think I let myself off the hook and discovered I had become a contributor... I realized my new vision had let me off the hook... I didn't have to worry about losing my soul to money ...anymore. 

In a sense I ws a little more clean...therefore anything I create from here on out, wellit won't be tainted by idiocy. Looking back, I realize there's ways to spread the wealth back among the people and build a world we can all love to live in.

In other words... I was wrong to judge...and maybe 20 years back I could have found a way to find a mentor who used the position to enhance people lives.

Yeah. 

So. I admit it here.

Letting greedy folks cheat me out of money or credit or opportunity...that actually hurt the people I could have helped...

I am confused no more.


As the wheel turns around and the spin stops at my door again... if it does, I will step up and recieve it and multiply it and then give back...just like my true heros do.


I don't want to embarass them by mentioning them here. They are well known... Because they were born of earth, or had parents who were born of earth, they reflect decency that I know I can be someday, as long as I leave my judgement outside the door. 

The only way I can honestly know that what I write here is true, is because I held on to my ideals all the way towards losing an indoor place to sleep. I lived in my truck in one of the wealthiest communities on earth... I got arrested eventually for being there and tossed out of there... It took all that for me to realize that putting my own life in danger in those industrial gang infested areas, ...well, that was just stupid.

Integrity has more to do with how you recieve rewards from what you build, and then what you build with THAT...allowing folks to reward you and vote for you with confidence. 

Seeing it all as a responsibility and grabbing ahold of it and using it on behalf of the people ...that's Integrity...it is NOT living poor and letting someone steal from you and destroy your relationship with your own kids.

It took me living the life of a beggar to know that there is a difference.

I never begged, but I did feel completely deserted...by God.

Now I understand how folks who hit the streets and live in concrete go crazy.

All of us play a part...and it's not money they need.

Nor pity.

If you clear your head and see an equal, and believe in them for their potential...then smile and encourage them to continue...you can heal them, and notice that you also heal yourself.

You know, if I had some money to hand to somebody living in a cardboard box, ...these days, there's not really much to give them...a few dollars is all...but ALWAYS before it hits their hand, I raise it to the sky and I tell them, "let's ask Creator to help us see it multiply and for you to get comfort and become your dream come true".

When people brighten up , hearing those words...they get every cent I have... I search and find whatever there is and load it over to them... That light in their eyes shining is what does it... Cause I know they are going to do just that.

Last week , I saw a skit on Saturday Night live. It included all the objectified, demeaning versions of what society believes a homeless person is. Such despicable characterizations of our shared shame, basically showcase how far we all have fallen.

If I can rebuild my own foundation these next couple years, the vision I have is bringing folks back to what they can create with their own hands.

So many artisans out there, so many who can make our world brighter and more beautiful...mumbling to themselves.. on street corners, in gutters... 

The ones who want to bring that spark forward, and create with it...will be expressing God/Goddess' gifts for us all. We will see our grey dirty world come back to color and harmony and sustenance... all the colors of race working together in relation to the creative flow; God/Goddess flow as expressed through them.

Aren't you ready to find a way out of noise, pollution, emptiness, and greed?

All around this world, are folks we all can feed...if we release ourselves from fear...and share.

I want anybody who reads this, who might see me begin to prosper again someday, to remind me. kick my ass if I forget. Talk is cheap ...and Judgement is worse.


It's taken me awhile, but when I wake up in the day ...or go out into the world, if I see holes everywhere, or confusion everywhere, that just might be, because I never offered what I had to the mix.

None of the really great people are known to us as REALLY GEAT, are known for walking around and condemning anything.


They walked into it... became part of it, dug their hands into it, and made a difference... and kept the promise of a real life, by offering or encouraging what was missing to grow.


There can be nothing other than this...or it's just a sad empty life with regret at the last breath.

And when I say that, I am not talking about YOU now, ... I am talking about ME.


Happy Valentine's day.... offer somebody a true heartfelt smile who has a slightly empty heart... let it be an old enemy or a stranger... and notice how the world starts to glow. ESPECIALLY YOURS.

Thanks.

-toe knee stanger





When the Fruit is Ripe

www.ARTintoLIFE.com


The Right Painting...finished on the right day...I find great benefit in completing the right painting, on the right day... One great example of this concept is the Painting "Liberty Ride 2000" which actually was finally completed on July 4th Y2k...no shit. Above IS a picture of that painting, it's the one with the "Indian on the motorcycle doing a wheely in front of the teepees"... There's a story behind these images collaged in this painting, but I will save it for another day. Once the story is posted, I will provide a link to it...

anyway.

Sometimes , I cannot help but notice that a certain video, or drawing, or painting ripens, years after it was completed... I love it ... sort of feels like I get validated for the forward vision it took to film the stuff... in this case, back starting in 1995 all the way through about 2000... Concerts of a band that some say still exists? Well, in the footage, it will always exsit...now... but herre's the story;

I recently uploaded about 7 videos-songs of Pele Ju Ju & their lead singer Dana Hutson.. to YOUtube. And this past week, I have been esxploring Myspace, finally building a new outreach via Myspace...the freinds lists...and the switches Myspace contains...and...just yesterday, I added a person to my friend's list who is an old time Pele Ju Ju fan, who reported to me, that she discovered one of my many music vdeos of them. among the rough cuts... appearing on YOUtube... and google showcased my new Myspace address...so she found me there.

In honor of that journey completed...below is the Pele Ju Ju band with Dana Hutson performing "Eyes to the Sun".

You will see that this is a masterpiece song, and a sample of the kinds of moments you could count on happening at every..yes EVERY... Pele Ju Ju concert....a deceptively simple production, but I feel it is a sample of a few of my video paintings that also feel like masterpieces of mine, cinema verite' at it's best...

This video is strong...even in low resolution...Built around the premise of ...Allowing the song to breathe... being a witness and intuitive. By this time, I think I had filmed about 5 Pele Ju JU concerts... Dana and I could feel each other in a sort of tender shared goal of capturing the beauty of that song and this brilliant performance...which..by the way is cross edited here from 2 main concerts...both live audio... but favored one, part a- the other part b...you will see/hear.

I felt privelged, to say the least...for Dana's trust...and I knew, I was there to witness what was beautiful, fully through the camera, and make sure it was captured for the people... for all time...

Here it is. Ripe today...Just fell off the treee!

See if you agree...Did she deliver it, or not? Did I catch it so you could get your share? You tell me...Regardless.., I'm very proud of it, as it stands here, a simple concert film... pristine... good re-mastered audio... still holds up as ultra compressed youtube film.... while at the very same time....it still sort of represents the rough demo version of a full screeen feature doc, or a DVD boxed set sold online, or some other indy project... and if nothing else, word will get out to Dana who has since become a massage therapist-healer.... deep in the jungle... maybe to return once again for the Ple Ju JU Re-union concert this summer...maybe , maybe, maybe...which it may well be... someday.

But for today...the song...the video... were both completed 10 years ago...and technology finally caught up with that wave, so that I could feature it here, in a blog....and let you watch it from the myspace/youtube window below. So... I sort of saw that the wave rolled back in, and long with it, it brought a Pele Ju Ju fan... so ... all in a little neat package, a test run... double checking the switches, and the search engines... and the media players/streamers... And, as of this week, I have decided to stay, for awhile on Myspace, this time around...therefore, finally uploaded enough samples of my art here and elsewhere, to provide an overview...this is the official first media/blog insert test...Along with just enough of a profile on myspace...and youtube... it seems ripe and ready.

The right painting on the right day... Dana Hutson and Pele Ju JU sing "Eyes to the Sun" circa 1997 ... a stanger film.



P.S. I apologize to all the other musicians of our present day, because this is old footage, and I say something stupid about Pele Ju Ju being the "best band" or some such. It's me in 1997, still getting used to my access tv show hosting style... I make the standard error of over hyping, here...everybody does it at least once, I sound like fool, but I left it in...because it's that era...On the subject of "great bands" yah gotta cut me some slack... Like Louis Armstrong said..."There's only two kinds of music...good music and bad music"... regardless of all that, we gotta be greateful for this Pele Ju JU footage I filmed in 1997 and re- invite you to enjoy today, in 2007, today... In theory this is just to prime the pumps...so to speak... check the interconnectedness of it all...I guarantee you that it's gonna open doors for more current projects...and all the other great musicinas and writers I have filmed...Have a great tuesday!

"Eyes to the Sun" Dana Hutson & Pele Ju Ju

courtesy of the ToeKneeStanger Channel on YOUtube


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQxK00GO5kY





http://www.zazzle.com/toekneestanger*




www.ARTintoLIFE.com
www.ToeKneeStanger.com

"Broken Bowl"

There's this set of bowls.

They were in this house when I arrived.

Perfect size and shape, for a huge cup of java... not quite fitting the hand... But they gave me a design idea for a set... a coffee-tea... tea pot set... Perfect shape... Perfect proportions... a memory.

I've been studying the zen of shapes for a couple years. How a tea pot can reflect a memory of what we love beyond loving.

Found it all reflected through the Teapot and bowl and cup collection at the Cantor Museum on Stanford campus, in 2000.

It took a little searching, but the tea pot I had envisioned, dreamed could be created, was actually made in the 3rd century b.c.

Sits in a glass case, one of many... Some carved from blocks of jade, pure quartz...Not all for tea, but close to the size and shapes I had cherished...Yet this one, ... This one was fired clay... Seemed plain and simple, I noticed to most people...They shuffled past me and favored the sparkly fancy colors of the others...This one was simple, plain, utility combined with beauty, perfect... It's proportions, at least to me, reflected that "golden rectangle" type of equation the Mason's and renaissance masters secretly guarded for centuries... It was like that, except it was the Taoists, and the Confucian style of equation, probably right down to the formulation of the clay...It's essence was light and beauty, but invisibly formed inside of shape for purpose.

"Yeah this is the on, I thought to myself"... And I began to draw it right there, I knew I didn't have to "re-invent the wheel... Someone else before me left the evidence and the validation and the formula for the style I could re-form as my centerpiece for a set.... Well, how do I describe it for you? ... It's not edges...It's the same sort of perfection of shapes we see around us, but closer to the shape of breast... a reminder of goddess, something we can all relate to... Those of us who were born of women.

I don't want to sound too cryptic... But the world seems to be run by folks that forgot the divine mother... So maybe it would be a good way to remind a person subliminally over a cup of tea.


Anyway. I never saw such proportions reflected in modern designs...Until I saw the bowls I have been drinking coffee and tea from in this mountain house, in 2006.


It will be a design I carry in my heart and head... as I get ready to leave for the unknown.


There is a certain type of hand-hold on the side that I know I will have to invent... One that only I know about. It's something I get to build because of the way I have had to hold these "too large bowls" that I use as coffee mugs...It'll be my vision alone, what I bring to the equation...The one I am definitely going to perfect... And maybe, maybe, maybe this will be one of those designs that carries forward for a few centuries.... Built out of need, and left for those who follow...


An easier way to drink a big cup of brew, easier than a modern day mug handle. If you can imagine that.

A month ago, as I squeezed myself around my painting table, one of the bowls fell.

... Crack!... In a zillion pieces.

I got grateful for a couple of reasons...

First, I can never forget those bowls now...

Second, it gave me a project, gluing it back together.... And through that, a chance to explore it's perfection.

I have this theory about broken bowls and tea cups... And anything ceramic...

"Glue it back together, and you get to do the meditation about it's significance while you do so".

I have many re-glued... And many stories for each one...They have merged with my traveling paint kit... My traveling editing office...



A few years ago, a friend offered me his driveway to use as an outdoor studio... Summertime in California, I was at first offended.

But I was living in my truck, and it became a landing place for hours of the day.

No more searching for an empty place on a hill in a park to paint. No more parking in the industrial zone and watching sh*t go down each night, and moreso on weekends...

I got sort of locked into a neighborhood by that driveway offer.

Now, I got to pray and paint under the shade of slow moving trees, all day long, with a relative quite and serenity.

I felt more in place than out of place. By default, folks stopped leering at me with suspicion.

One day, I had to tell him the truth about the down side in relation to his offer... I felt offended watching him lock his door every day as he left for work... I'd be out there early and with 8 hours ahead of me, I'd have to find a bush out back for a restroom... He'd wake up and get ready to leave...a nd for all the serenity, I felt as if he just had no trust...So why was I there on his property, if this was all he could see in my presence...Was it pity, was that the reason for his offer? I asked him if it ever occurred to him to make me a cup of tea, every once in awhile... He seemed to love to come and find time to visit while I painted... Getting free art lessons, and he'd come out and question techniques he saw me use, then show me what he had created with those techniques... I would have been respected or complimented in another setting, But I saw him use my presence as a certain kind of badge, and even tell people how great a teacher I was... But then locking his house as if I was a potential thief. I was smart enough to be honest about all that. Needless to say he never really enjoyed that feedback... Always with a fresh brew...But only one, never a cup of tea for me... Or an offer to use his bathroom...


There was a day when he sort of got heated about it... Because I was getting ready to leave... And I let him see how that looked to me... Almost as if I was in a position of unworthiness... I would rather exit and go back to the hillside in the park.

inadvertently, completely by accident, the tea cup he was drinking out of, broke ... He lost grip of it...And it broke.

He stood there, we each measured the silence, then he looked at me... He said "that was my Tai Chi masters' gift... I can never replace it... I loved that cup... it's lost forever, now"


He swept it up, tossed it in the garbage and left... Without a word.

By the time he came back that evening... Before I left for my parking spot, he found the cup glued back together, sitting on his doorstep.

He asked me...

"what am I supposed to do with this???"

My answer was simple...

"I have all these cups and saucers and bowls I have re-glued and each holds a memory now...Though it may never again hold tea"

...And then, I showed him a few... Brush holders now, storage places for small items, paper clips and such... Part of my art supplies as important "as a sable brush, to me"... "it's how I find things"... "They help keep my studio in order, and each holds a story"

"each has a story".

I went through a couple of them, and told the stories..What was learned, or what times were frozen in that moment of "breakage"... How each one reflected a gift of time, space and heart, momentum, dreams or future challenge.
..................


I haven't seen or talked to Rick in a couple years. That was late in 2003. I painted a huge painting which, among other items, holds a collage of leaves and branches swept up from his driveway...Painted as if they were/are "Monet waterlillies".

That painting is still hanging over his in door office. It was a canvas he had found on the garbage of a vacant high tech start up gone bust...One he gave to me that I painted over.

.....................

IN the next couple of days, I am going to upload some footage of a friend of both he and I... Somebody he introduced me to, while I painted in that back yard driveway. I overheard their dreams and plans to create a new kind of creative school. That person has since passed away.

He was a great musician who gave his life to present music of Jazz and blues and unity beyond race...In the name of art and music... In honor of his sister in law who is African-American... Because, growing up, he had seen the agony his brother and she would have to go through as a mixed race couple in rural Indiana. He wanted to help create a better world than that... So he did...With his life ...Through music, and acting, and voice-over acting...

I get to finally make sure that footage I edited of him, for the memorial service, presents the legacy of that man...; this time world wide via YOUtube...

Such will be a "great thing" that I get to do, simply because I can...But nothing can replace the look of joy filled eyes his sister in law and her daughter both gave me along with a hug at his funeral... They each hugged me, smiled and dropped a tear and thanked me for putting the footage together in a way that they could see what "Uncle Timothy" had done with his life in California, since leaving Indiana 30 years ago.

Rick had introduced me to Timothy... While I painted in that back yard.

But I didn't really know Timothy until I met his sister in law, and also saw all the brilliant world class musicians who came and jammed freely with each other at his memorial service, or until I had seen his many characters created in the video I edited after he died. He was as Belushi, or Akroyd or Chevy Chase... But he lived on the level he was born to live on...Never left the people he walked among. I saw the truth of his talent, I know whether as a musician, or a song writer or as a comedy character actor...He was always a kid from Indiana who just wanted to bring folks to unity through music... I saw it was true, All races and creeds... all sparkly eyed playing their favorite Timothy songs... Each had a story about how Timothy helped them get bookings or shared gigs.

I think , this past week... While I thought about the broken bowl I just glued... That meeting Timothy and getting a favor from Rick (the backyard open aired studio) was a certain pact made, that I could now finally get to fulfill. Nobody's gonna pay me for it...It's not gonna get a grammy or an Oscar... Few will even know I did it...But I am going to upload some Timothy footage, anyway.

And, while gluing the bowl that broke... I had to think of that tea cup... Rick's tea cup... That I had glued in that back yard... And I had to remember the look of suspicion, of mistrust, on Timothy's face when we first met...And the sense of purpose I got from helping memorialize the work of Timothy. Getting closer to him after he had died than ever being able to share a coffee with him or even play a song together... He had paid his dues... But he had weathered so many storms, he didn't know me Well enough to tell me his need to get some credit for being "Santa Claus". You see, beyond all those voice-overs and concerts and movie background parts and everything else he did, one way Timothy fed his family and also served was as Santa Claus for over 30 years. If he had auditioned as a Santa Claus for a major movie he could have beat any other competitor. He had a twinkle...He had mastered the roll...He had the deep soothing voice...And the heart to match...But the main reason he was Santa each year, was to help kids formulate their wishes and dreams.

Thank you Rick. For encouraging me about doing those edits. And letting me glue the tea cup... And for hearing me out... And for introducing me to the life of Timothy.
....................

A room full of people laughing joyful tears watching their friend do voice-overs and appear in Hollywood movies as a blurry background side-kick...Then play all those festivals and music events all around California with his friends...

Lives on ... Now as a YOUtube segment...

Nobody is paying me...

But I get to explore the meaning of the glued tea cup... And notice that I made it past some big storms...In theory.

It's the kind of thing, that if I do not do it... Nobody else will.

And we - each and every one of us, all have to see some work in front of us, around us, shared or alone...That maybe nobody else can see...And we need to do it, just because we can... as our offering, just because we can.

For me, it's re-gluing the tea cup...Sort of a duty that I have, just for being here... a way to make something out of something that seems forgotten or lose or broken...Something bigger. It's magic, bigger than I could even know... And there won't be a parade... But that's ok.

It's proof, if nothing else, ...That I learned something from YOU.

And for me...It's all about how I use the next 500 breaths... The next 3 hours of my life.

Do I glue it back together, in honor to the ones that were around when it sort of shattered?

Or do I leave it in pieces?

There's a sh*t load of metaphors here.

You can sink you teeth in them... Have at it.

Let me just say, Timothy and I never spent any quality time. Not back then.

But we can , now...

He'd put 25 years into Indy media and music, but I never knew why or anything about how amazing that all was, until I saw the footage...Just recognize that this is true for each of us...It's true for you...The only thing is that we may not have a record of it...Yet that record still exists etched into the hearts you shared it with...And it's more really real than YOUtube or MTV or VH1 could ever make it be. Sometimes, I actually thin k, that only the truly lost get to pretend they had a real life in a movie, you know, the truth such as Swatzenegger never saved or rescued anyone, nor did he ever even shoot anything but a plastic bs gun and pretend to care enough to risk his life for something. His own words, if you search, you will find..is that he loves "people worshiping him". Think about it, I am not making this up... That's all ego...What would happen if people started getting content about making a difference in each other's lives...Famous or not? There's no other hope for this planet. It's not a movie. I swear it's not fame.

Well, I tried to be a friend to Timothy while he was alive. He walked away. He told other folks he felt disrespected by people, because nobody understood that he was the master he was... Whatever. That's the reality of our modern times. All I know is that I saw a lot of beauty in Timothy and I kept offering...a nd I never really understood why he had gotten suspicious about such offers...Until I saw the range of his talent after he died, in the footage and concerts he had ALREADY done for 20+ years. Then I understood. Recognition never came...At least the kind he expected or needed. But, in truth, I saw in the footage that he could have been bigger than Swartzenegger, but instead chose to serve the folks he cared about, not an invisible audience of strangers. He wasn't hooked by his own ego or need for fame or power...He made the choice to be real, instead.

He died, sort of overnight.. a surprise to everybody.

The biggest reflector I ever saw of how real Timothy lived his life, was in the hearts of his many, many friends and the depth of glow of appreciation in his sister-in-law's (and her daughter's) eyes...And in the free laughter in that room at his memorial... all brought about, brought forward, by me sort of putting together pieces of his vast catalogue of footage spanning 25-30 years.

Just by showcasing a tiny portion of that value via edited footage.. Shared music... all over a tragic loss...Yet more than anything; bigger and fuller by the fact of what it indicated...What was real beyond video...

We lose something when the bowl breaks.

But we can gain something from the memory of it's meaning, if we take the time to use it as a meditation- gluing it all back together..

..................

I'm going to design a few bowls and teapots in my life. Yes I am... And they will someday be broken.... as all things someday have to be... On their way to dust.

It makes me think it was all worth it... If I dream about somebody gluing one or two together again... In memory of whatever they see around them that they have that day...To hold a few brushes...Or pencils or dreams.

......................


Last night... I had a dream vision. I was in a room, and it was after filming (or playing music) at a gig.

Everyone else was filtering out of the room. There was an echo of laughter and cheer... Fading to silence.

A younger woman who was hanging back, slowly came over, and I couldn't believe she was coming over to talk or visit me.

She asked to sit across from me...Somehow she had seen enough about me, or watched me enough there, that she had a reason to do so... She sat on a ledge right next to me, sparklng her eyes... Made a simple sincere joke about me not realizing she really wanted to be there...Then she leaned over ...And kissed me.

And then...Just so I would know and understand that she meant to do it, that there was no agenda than a shared kiss... She reached into my heart with a few more words, this time soothing... I felt that caress and the honor that came with it, ...And then she leaned over ...And kissed me again. And this time I savored it.

I could never have picked her out of the crowd... I could never have predicted it... I was only able to do one thing... Hold still and let it be.


http://www.myspace.com/originaltoeknee


www.ARTintoLIFE.com


http://www.zazzle.com/toekneestanger*

Through the Gate: The ToeKnee Show

www.ARTintoLIFE.com

http://www.myspace.com/originaltoeknee


The ToeKnee Show... "Through the Gate"


www.ARTintoLIFE.com

... has come back into my life,
Yes folks!, I have regained some territory!

UN f**k*nbel**v*able

The website address of ARTintoLIFE.com was the original website I founded in 1995, right after starting the Toe Knee Show access cable tv show in 1994...."to change the world".... or at least to contribute my share towards giving it an honest try... anyway... at least if anything to see if we could find a world change we could all be proud of.

Thanks to "emo" (mark Langbehn) , someone who I met while I was a volunteer at a meditation university 24 years ago... thanks to Mark, ARTintoLIFE.com is now mine again... as of this week.

Holy S**t... I still can't believe it.

anyway, you can get to know Mark Langebehn a little more, by seeing/hearing his work.

Like me, he has a catalogue of original music.
And similarly, he has also produced many others... helped to contribute to our planet by moving them a little closer to their dreams as musicians, specifially.

His website has many free MP3's of these various successful indy songwriters and performers.

www.EMOsonic.com

.........

Now, back to my creative expansion... ARTintoLIFE.com is symbolic of a full below the ground re-organizatioin of my priorities, projects, dreams, artisitc endeavors, and also finding new wasy to release the great stuff already created.

So...yes, it's true... I'm finding new ways to release the paintings, as prints mugs and t-shirts....

www.Zazzle.com/ToeKneeStanger*


and also

www.CafePress.com/ToeKneeStanger


And, as many are discovering, my ToeKneeShow TV segments are being released in small clips on YOUtube.


Yuucan clic on the windows below and get there, or us this(copy and past URL in your browser);

The Toe Knee Show


This is the website URL of my main playlist of original indy productions,

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=7A8319073BABE579

and her's the direct play window, of that batch...




So... the bouncing ball has bounced back into my own court...

could this be?


I am standing on about 6 mountains of created work.

I think I am ready and have a better, wider vision... due to life's experience, I don't think I could mess things up if I actually made a living again.

So.

As goofy as that sounds.


You all get to decide if I was worth saving.

IN any case, I finally completed the painting;


"Through the Gate" (the first image of this blog entry).

It's a real place... a place where a person used to loft her dreams, for years, one after another.

She'd asked me to go there and do a ceremony to help release the house to sell.

Big changes... I guess everybody gets them... unique to each.... those were hers.



The painting was symbolic as well as a witness to reality.


That gate (gateway) in the paintng exists, still there ... and is now someone else's back patio...(the house sold)...


For her, it was the place where she made her wishes known to the Universe.


And while I visited with her there, then... to bless the house,

We sat in the back...Watched the sun set slowiy across the Valley.

In silence.



I couldn't help but notice that in another time and place, or if I had been totally alone, I would have been in tears... but with her that day, we both watched the sun set slowly... the air was thick with a sense of privacy... and retreat... too sacred to even notice... just enough to experience... becausse it was free... and may leave... you didn't want to stir it.

3 years later, I finally finished the painting I'd promised her, this one...the one that you see in the beginning of this blog entry.

And next week she gets that painting in her mailbox... because I found the ddress , yesterday.

So, you see it here...

sort of frozen in it's process.

the real art is in the surprise she has, when she gets the package...

And how it brings her to that place she showed me.

and that sunset...

glory be.

I sometimes feel an artwork has not one real purpose, unless it hits all these notes.


The more real if it is filled with life,or fills itself wiht life, each and every step...

The meaning in this piece is the full spectrum of where it symbolically resides, including here... seen by you.



For her, it's gonna be a bringer of memory...and a letter of gratitude.


........

A few weeks ago, I called my friend Lon, who is finishing a production of his next door neighbor's music.

Like me, he found a way to get it done on a shoe string of a shoe string, of a shoe string...

I think this is gonna be Lon's masterpice prodiuction.

already the neighborhood is abuzz with expectation ...back there in Portland.

When I called him, and he answered the phone, ...as is my specialty, on auspicious occasions... I get really metaphorical.... this means sometimes/usually, just rolling into a conversation...sometimes even forgetting to say hello.. in that gap before anyone speaks...saying that one subconscious idea thaat first pops into my head...so... yeah...one subconscious idea sprang out... yet so obvious... and exactly right on time.


"through the gate"

"?what?"

"through the gate"


... "oh , hi , tony" (toe Knee) .. how are you doing...?" he asks...

"I'm walking through the gate, Lon..." , I say



... and then, he patiently listened while I walked him through a line of thought... a long diatribe about "a clearing in the fog, and the distant views comkng back into focus"...

... in the psace between me catching my breath, Lon speaks;

"sounds just like what I am going through... working on this album for my next door neighbor... it's sounding so f**king beautiful, tony...Jesus...!"


............So...

I am revising this blog entry posted a couple weeks ago.


I found out , yesterday that all my YOUtube playlists, formerly included in this post, only look good on this loaned computer, with cable internet... most folks do not have enough bandwith... I'm told "the white squares never quite filled in"... by lots of folks struggling with "dial-up" connections...


So.

Once again, I have to go back, and revise what I have already done.. again... and slow it down a little while Bill Gates and Steve Jobs and Larry Ellis and all those other folks find a way to perfect whats already here... who knows, maybe by next year, at this time, I will be able to add the links, viewing windows... etc... and not cause delays.

It's quite interesting to me to notice that a real clean HD style image played fluid through wone of the major sites I visited last night, researching a couple indy actors... the stuff was high resolution...played fuid, tight images and smooth...no gaps...

Meanwhile the average uploader can't seem to quite get close to that... without jumping thorugh a lot of hoops...

Don't worry... they are going to have to meet u more than halfway...us indy producers, artists, writers, directors... so they can actually keep up with the artist's creaive vision... the industry is starting to notice that there's huge money in it... so they'll have to upgrade us...

and, along with those sentiments... I also,

...have to say,

The only future for us 60's artists-musicians-writers-composers-film makers- guerilla media folks/ visionaries, clairvoyants, baristas/esses ....is to be part digital, part human....


At this point, I have to quote something one of my art instructors taught me, many years ago...


Which is this,
..."a real artist is not limited by the media, or materials or even circumstances... a real artist creates with what they have on hand... where they are standing...

...Therefore..."a real artist can create a masterpiece with sticks and mud...film a blockbuster movie with the cheapest super 8 or web cam, can write a symphony or tv series beyond "Friends" with a stolen bank pen or pencil.../post office pen... and a few scraps of paper found in any trash can....


But if you want to make a living fro that level... it's a different story.

The 21st century demans that if you intend to be able to SELL or show something created with raw real talent.... or throw a decent party about making it, you need to embrace technology.

"Ouch" says the human artist... "Ce le vie" say the wise. Every era has it's parameters... and those who get into "the flow of the era they inhabit"...they seem to get to eat... and live indoors. amazing.

So... if you want to sell it..you can do it a damn lot faster, easier and more efficiently through just 1% technology... 90% talent... the only real essential is the technology... I am sorry to say. The talent part is up to you... and a matter of conscience, for me...but how you approach it...well that's your path!


You don't have to be 100% technology.

a human heart is better.


If necessary, it's concievable tht you can beat Buddy Holly's best , even make the hit record on a bargain box 3.00 cassette recorder, with built in mike and some previously recorded cassettes @ 10 for a dollar.... if you had content to match, it wuld easily outdo the quality of recording...

I once heard a masterpice played off a back porch in Mississippi, an old black Master played a broomstick with one string of bailing wire... his own song, deeper and truer than anything Clapton'[s done, becasue it was REAL... and not for a recorder or a tv show...or anything but human ears.

The only problem with that, ...in my view, ...is that I can't cue up the recording so you can hear it.... It was live...one time only.... no technology was around...no evidence it even happened except in my story here. but I guarantee you that that guy would have been glad to share the song with you... and if he had, maybe he'd also have a new car and some great food.. .and medical care...

Meanwhile, it is also true that a certain amount of fame would destroy the authenticity, don't youthink?

Proven by they guys answer, ehn I suggested it ws a hit record..

He said..."already is a hit record... don't need to be played on no hit parade to be a hit record... the birds and the cars driving by...and this wind... they all know it's a hit record right here... me too"

anyway.

that wasn't easy to heear...

I still think that if you are a Celine Dion.... or if you are a Salina... or a John Lennon... or a Leonard cohen or a Muddy Waters or an Al Jarreau... etc. etc. etc..... you'd still have a masterpiece.... whether it were heard by one person or 10 million.

It's all about how well you can deal with any other place to play the thing, beyond your own back porch.

So... if you can't get to a production facility...work on the song more, anyway...and record it with whatever you have...your phone machine...or some cheap cassette recorder from a resale place.

Folks might say, "did you record this in the 50's?" and they might laugh at the first part of it...but if it's worth anything it's gonna reach right through the scratchy sounds...


...and they would hear the masterpiece...


...Meanwhile... that's the bottom of the barrel, you say?

Well, most folks have far more technology... as well as talent... and if they can't create anything...bu they want simon cowelll to do it or somebody else... then... maybe, maybe, maybe they actuallly should just be sellng groceries or something...

Most of our ideas aobut being famous doing anything are tv driven.

don't be confused.

don't waste your life iwht a dream.


Do it or move on. simple.

but let's say you accomplish some sort of basic recording or a decent song... That's helpful if you are breaking through to your potential... becasue we need to hear your song...the earth does...

Yet...you'd still need something like the internet to get it to the people.

Hence the formula...90% talent...or even 99% talent and hard work...1% technology...and you'd get heard.

Let the people decide if it's their cup of tea.

If nothing else, you would get the ideas of fame as a goal out of your system. Fame is a by-product...of a job well done...that folks enjoy ...

Choices of your past/ our past... they've all been revised.

You can get heard/seen right next to Eric Clapton or any other major player...

I think that's a good thing.

Your one string banjo.

Sometimes I get this feeling that we all haven't noticed that music is right here, right here in our back yards and our own kitchens... inside our own hearts, among our own families...

Isn't it time your voice is heard among your own tribe?
.........


Back when i was learning the various basic technigues in all these range of processes... basically when i was just a kid, I did have the skill to create a hit record... but... the truth is... I hadn't had the experience in the world, for any song I wrote to matter...

Luckily I backed away from the fame portion...but nnot away form life or music.

6000 songs later and probably 50,000 pages of lyric later... I look back through/listen back through... and notice that life is infused in the process... and the good songs ring with that.

but I can't deny it took all htese years to be able to see it right where it already was.
...........

When I called Lon.... a guy who had hlped me learn the basics of recording 20 years ago... also a guy I walked out of an indy contract with...I hear an expanded version of Lon... jus like me, he grew with it... or, maybe I should say that his life demanded he gorw with it...just like me...and just like everybody's life always will.....if you let it.

He also brought the music along...and now, he tells me about producing an album for his next door neighbor, and it makes complete sense.... complete sense... as a worthy expedition... bringing somebody's excellent fireside songs to the people...
First of all, we know it's gonna be real.
Secondly, Lon is a good producer who also grew deeper as a human...


What a team.

So... I have no problem believng Lon when he says, he feels like he is going "through the gate". I can hear it in his voice. And then, when I hear him say, "it sounds like you made it through another set of turns in the road, tony (toe knee)... "

...the tone of his voice, convinces me.... I hear reflected what I sensed was true....no bs... another phase has shifted...again.

...another bounce of the ball.
....................


The only part missing for me, thes e past few years...was solid footing, sinc ethe floor dropped out beneath me in Silly Con Valley.

That's what i say now...but i had plenty of rocks and dirt.

I coulda painted many masterpieces on the hill in Arastradero preserve.

I chose watercolor paper over the materials at hand...

so... it's a breakthrough to finally notice I will be able to slide a few treats on over to you.

ARTintoLIFE.com

no s**t.


I still can't believe it.

Treats in the form of jpgs of the paintings I did among the mountain lions and bald eagles up on skyline boulevard...

And, yes, some video of the various artworks built out of sticks and mud along trails, and creeksides in nature.

And a little of the stuff I had to deal with living out of my truck after the bottom fell through.

..................

It's Christmas EVE.

I accept where I am today.

And I have to feel blessed that I am warm indoors, at least.


Inside, with my 1% technology. I can't say that limitations hold me back.
Instead, I get to notice something I never expected... that hesitation you get to expereince when you aren't sure if you can actually trust anything working out this time.

Well, I said I wanted to learn about the reality... the reality of why suffering holds folks back... i guess I get to see that it's hard to put the shields down, when you had to survive as a daily expereince day in day out... on your own.

And i guess I get to understand why "on your own" is the biggest sign of the damage done.
.............

This Christmas time, while I am still here...

There are no parties, no shared time with friends and family...just enough warmth and safety and time... just enough and an internet connection...and a YOUtube site to upload to... and plenty of clips to upload...and ARTintoLIFE.com ...has come back...too!
so...
I am going to embrace it...
I am going to be uploading clips from the ToeKnee Show, and will be online... maybe with some rum and eggnog...
while the rest of USA celebrates.

It's sort of a Christmas present from me to the world.
Symbolically uploading some of what i created all these years...

Along the way,
I made all these promises to our creator, and to people... of doing my part with my talnet, reflecting it all back to the people. Hopefully with something at enriches..

You get to decide if it was worth it.

Anyway... my path seems to have brought me here...with the idea is to discover right use of creative thought and energy...right use.... to be helpful and to do no harm.

................

So... interestingly for me, I have this whole batch of stuff I'd aired on my TV show in the Bay area, from 94/95 to 2006.

This weekend, I am sending off (uploading) a few gifts to the ether (YOUtube); these are some you get to see...if you so choose. they explain a lot of what I believe in about people... and hold true to the reasons/intent I tried to explain here...,

"Dr Bronner's soap (the pope of soap) & Rosemarie Landry" parts 1 & 2 a Stanger film
"Lori Petty" interview cinequest 2001 a Stanger film
"Auntie Shirley's Nephew, Hawaiian performer "Key Aaloha KIh Hay Leh" in their back yard parts 1 & 2
a stanger film
"the Drifters" with Lori Scott, World Concerts for Humanity feauring Bobby Warren (RIP) a Stanger film
" Uncle Frank's BarB Q" with Leonard and featuring the Will Roc band a stanger film


And a few more, as well, by the time this Christmas day (tomorrow) , is over.

That reminds me, I didn't buy any treats for myself... while I am dong all this... oh well...the stores are gonna be closing early... maybe some raisan bran and a half gallon of milk... we'll see...

So.

Dreams can come true.

And sometimes they take years... so.

Hooray!

.....

This year wouldn't be a real year if we hadn't all did some sort of self-review, while figuring out a better way to do next year... so go off and do that...or if yo want to see inide of my view on it...read on... hasta la vista... babeeee.


..................
so...

1. don't say you are going to do something.

2. do it.

3. then show us you did.

a. Nothing else is real.

b. Make a difference.

4. Out perform all your expectations...

5. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!
a. It's no good unless you can share it!...
b. and it's no good unless, after you share it, you can see the folks you shared it with, adding themselves to it and sharing it with others...

... and if it's a song, it's music , you can hear fading as it rtavels the distance, performed to the same standards and beyond!

c. So, remeber... if it made you famous today...that isn't proof of anything... perfect it, perfect it perfect it and then let it proove itself... that it deserves to and lasts... through time... showcase it's lasting value... on it's own!

6. So INVITE , and Include others, showcase their talent... step back...

7. Follow through... stop pointing fingers and get busy!!! we need you!

a. if you don't bring us your full potential...who will ????
..............



The Toe Knee Show


http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=7A8319073BABE579





..........

So!....Make a difference!.

then let time go by , then taste it, and .... most of all! ... test it...

If it was ever worth a s**t... it will remain, the best part of it will be forever...


... yeah... I admit I used to say stuff like this off-hand...

...yeah I admit... each new bounce of the ball includes a phase of disbelief/struggle...


But we all know the ball rolls as it bounces...rolls in the air.


Each time it hits, it finds a new way to bounce, against a whole new edge... with a spin included. A world Champion wrestler taught me that being thrown isn't the REAL issue. It's teaching yourself a way, practising it and perfecting the ability; to always land in a better position, far better than you were before you were being thrown.

And when the other dogs won't let go... you dig deeper... deeper, deeper... until they run beggin for mercy.

........

And if you get to sail it like a parachute or a ship, then call it grace... and cherish the glide... let it be gaceful... go with the edges of the wind... you'll get plenty other times to debate it and to study it for the joureny it was/is.

Everybody gets their share...in a different order.


Just like you... I'll be surprised if I get there...

Meanwhile, I'm rolling with it,

studying the spin and the bounce.

happy New Year.

May it be all you deserve.

With less hardship, more glide.

.......................



www.ARTintoLIFE.com ... is just one of the many so called losses that have come back in focus

Feel free to consider these sites:
www.ToeKneeStanger.com
and the new Marketing sites; -t-shirts etc.: www.Zazzle.com/toekneestanger*
www.Cafepress.com/toekneestanger

...and of course, those of you who might be interested in watching some classic segments fo the Toe Knee Show, follow that link above...

I have the first Shana Morrison videos online (Van MOrrison's daughter...these are clips of my films of the past 8 years...) Also, I have some great excerpts of Willie Nelson visits/interviews, as well as a couple clips of Kris Kristoffeerson/Joan Baez interviews... as well as some of the groundbreaking Reality TV excerpts from the toe Knee sho while i was oepneing up phases of Indy Tv in the Bay area... 94-2006


www.ARTintoLIFE.com


http://www.zazzle.com/toekneestanger*

Pilgrimage to Mountain of Sparks

The Toe Knee Show meets Willie Nelson.... Official interview #2 parts one and two.... see it on the YOUtube links... or read..then click! National Treasure hunt of the week!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gceqtQYiJnQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0iOm0LAl7g


I'd volunteered at FarmAID 7 in 94... prior to that... back in 92, I drove over to his studio and gave him a Buffalo Skull for his golf house...that Christmas... earlier than that..visited real briefly when he played the Iowa State fair.

I think my Art School years, at the ART academy of cincinnati, in the late 70's were enriched and deepened by his outlaw phase... the album with Waylon... and Jessie Colter... adn Tom Paul Gasier... god... I know I am leaving soembody out... welll.just remember, this is not some CMA awards show.

It's the Toe Knee Show, of Palo Alto, translated to YOUtube.

It occurred to me around 97, that I could bring back an interview "for the people" as Joan Baez used to say... around that time, I was having a few lunchees with her... talking about the beauty around us... just relaxing in the California sun...

thinking back on those days, over the years... then feeling this intense inspiration to go and ask Willie a few questions...the kind few ever seemed to ask... just get that direct, over coffee and smoke, truth...

so... I rolled to Frisco..the Maritime Hall... sauntered backstage, and slipped my request through to his bus...he had me come onto the bus ahead of everyone else...and I was just taken aback... I felt I oculd have aksed deeper ...but I hadn't expected him to welcome me so easily... I guess it ws that Buffalo Skull gift... willie's part Indian...you know...

Anyway. I emphasized, in that interview his willingness to serve the people... especially the concerts he gives to benefit Farmers... and the one in Oakland, to honor the firefighters who had died putting out a tragic windswept blase...

I'm fallling asleep...people... I'll revise thistomorrow.

anyway...

I felt Ihad to ask him about his Raggae album, one that ws being worked on , at the time... and he also had a new record called "Spirit"... which I hadn't listened to yet...

After awhile...i finally apologized to him ...I felt I hadn't prepared myself for the interview...

But the real truth was... I was just stunned to be sititing across from him at the table.

Stunned..

so... I said, "Willie...I think I need to let those other folks have their time with you....." ..."but I wished Ihad been better preapred... I wished I had bought your new record and really listened to it!" ...he said... "tony... you can come and visit me again... some other time...and we can take it from there..." "Yeah... I guess I could ..Willie...I guess I could... Ok.. thanks.... see yah..." I stumbled out with my side kick Jean Michel... We drove home in silence, most of the way... then it hit me... "Holy s**t" "I can visit with him further down the road... where was he going???... Reno?... Jesus... Ithink I am going to be driving to Reno!" and there you have it.. I said my goodbyes... I drove all over town looking for a Fry's store that carried mini-dv footage.. that was open the next day... and finally found one, on the way to Sacramento... swung up on I 80... over Truckee...past Donner pass... I guess. ... all those ancient places.... filmed the various road stops... And pulled in next to his bus... When he stepped off the bus, headed n to the Casino whre he was gonna play, he was startled to see me... all the fans had left... it was later than I thought...I guess I'd lost track of time...

"Tony...let's do the interview...tomorrow... what do yousay?" "that's fine with me willie... but would you sign my shirt?"

"sure"



I was wearing my Chris Isaak signature shirt... which was actually a shirt Chris had signed on each sleeve...two different times... but which was also my Hopi meidicine shirt, custom made for me by a decendant of a lving 105 year old Hopie elder...

Willie signed it...

I wished them all a good night...

Droveoff in my art truck and found a spot in /near thefields to park and camp...away from the harsh casino lights. Road out the next day...to a mall...bought a set of "3 Stooges golf balls" for Willie... and his record, "Spirit"..the new one. Found a spot on a hill did a ceremony... then listened to the record on repeat all day long...

got myself in the right head space to ask the right questions.

It's a two part YOU tube expereince now.

Un edited...

REal as REAl can be. Willie... I love you, buddy... in a non-broke back kind of way... I love you , man! thanks. The drive to Sparks Nevada was a clankety clankety roar from my Jeep Cherokee, that I had to surf... My Jeep felt like a tiger, over enthusiastic cat, saying "here we go..here we go, we're gonna get there!".

My mechanic , Henry, once won a drag race against Elvis, down in texas in the 50's... and some of that spirit in the truck seemed super charged... I couldn't believe a vehicle with 3 odometer rolls and a straight six, leaking that much exhaust, could roll up Donner pass with such enthusiasm... but we made it.

I stopped at the rest stop at the top of the windy I-80... got out my camera.... the 8mm safety cam, gave it a wat to get the image stable... and announced "the mission".

A follow up interview, on Willie's invitation... in Sparks Nevada.

Go back and look at part one..if you haven't seen it.

This is part 2. of the official number 2 interview...

Camping in my truck, on the outskirts of the desrt, of Sparks... driving past the pawn shops and car dealerships and empty hearts, of the gamblers out of cash...it wasn't an easy ride for me.

When I go towards such places, I often feel the downside, inhabitable by humans, unless you have material backing.

I guess Willie is the bright light among the dice rolls and Silicon... I guess it's a good thing he comes and goes from these places... I sensed that the old spiritual songs and the new Raeggae, and the commeraderie on the road of life are all signal flares...but the choices folks make, is none of his (or our) concern...

Nevertheless... I was worried about becoming a troll liviing out of my rusted heap of a Jeep...which would happen sooner than later, if the engine blew... I have no safety nets... thee ain't anybody gonna come and rescue me... if this road trip excursion dive bombs.

so... I got together my medicine kit, and shuffled my way up to the top of the highest mountain on the edge of town... and I prayed for vision... for strength.. I surrenedered to the whole process...no matter how it turns out.

I knew I had to bring Willie some sort of gift, to show my respect... so I drove back down and asked a trucker where the nearest mall was...

Willie loves to golf... and play chess... but I don'tthink it's about winning... it's more about the challenge and the fun...

So I bought him some "3 stooges" golf balls... Each one had a printed black and white image of Larry, Curly, and Mo... I got an instant chuckle thinking about the look on his face, when I gave those to him...

...and that jacked me back to reality.

...Jesus... I made it. I'm in sparks, the batteries are still ggod...the cold of the outdoors was like a refrigerator... and they'd warm up and work fine in either camera... Jesus.. I found tape at the Fry's in Sacramento... I have enough to film whatever I want.... and cash for breakfast... everything's covered... in fact... I can see the casino from here, whre Willie will be playing later on!... so... I coudl walk there, and still interview him... if the truck breaks down... cheer up tony!

Thanks to the 3 Stooges...

I made it to the bus, they were all still resting... and playing chess... Willie was glad to see me, but he said... "let's do it after the show".

I'd heard folks laughing about the way Waylon had "left on time" while they had driven in... evidently there was some sort of competition to be on schedule and neither seemed to be ready to give up the challenge... a little growlin' was going on...too.

I understood that the full focus was on Willie delivering his trademarked speicialty; a consistent and excellent show.

so.. I made my way to give em all room..."I'll see you after the show, willie"

I wasn't there to gamble... I wasn't there to see the show... I couldn't afford a woman... I was confused by all the glitz... because it seemed that the only real thing goin on was the back to back Willie-Waylon series...

so... I admit I was feeling a little lost...

I accepted the full access pass, had a few beers, watche dthe beauty girls with their beauty bellies, evening gowns, tiaras, and rich guys in cowboy outfits back stage... the next new stars and the glitz and glamour...among them, evry so often a person like me...just friends of Willie... or believers in what he stood for... and the borthers-sisters-road crew... others, all gathered around , while the band played out front.

I'd walk in and out,,, drink in a song or two...go back... mull around...

It was all about getting ready to do a gentle wave of surfing over coffee...with willie...on his bus...and bring something back from that conversatin...for the people.

How do I keep the balance from the prayers I prayed on that mountain today?

that was all I could do...

See for your self...

Here's your chance.

This two part interview... this is the second excerpt,

I think I did my part... I know willie did his...



... and later that spring, I rolled down the the western town where willie and family all celebrate, sing all day, share food and stories... Yeah... if you like this interview... you may soon see Joe Ely, Jimmie Dale, The Bells of Joy... and a few others... and willie wink and smile and wave hello... Maybe.

You see,...the folks around Willie...and Willie..they are all just regular people.

some are like the warriors...they go out and they accomplish for the rest of the family... but each part of the tribe is important...and the focus is on being a better person today than you were yesterday...or at least giving it your best effort to do your best...

so... filming Joe Ely... and Jimmie Dale...and Willie and friends down there, well... it's a tender thing... it's a tender thing.

I admit I felt like I was meeting an equal when I met Willie... but isn't that what you feel when you are in the audience?

the best part of having entertainers like this, is that they do not remove themselves from you or me... they reflect the best part of ourselves right back to us... because they are us.

yeah.

On th ebus...with Willie.

(can you tell the coffee finally kicked in, this morning, while I wrote this???)

www.ARTintoLIFE.com


http://www.zazzle.com/toekneestanger*

The Roll of Reversal includes rehearsal

The wheels of a car, if they have those defined spokes, seem to roll backwards, at certain speeds.

I'm not talking about the optic explanation.

I'm talking about what we ALL see.

I'm not talking about what we THINK we know,

I'm talking about feet on the ground, don't have to check,
... Let's just buy a few beers and a pizza reality.

Nobody ever got a free lunch in this world, ever. And we all know it.

Just by breathing, you earned it.


I always said, Johnny Cash did it all with one song, "Big River" ...
... The way he sang that... that use of energy at that time,
... as complete as it was... Sailed that song forward.

And that song was just this;
an Eye witness account in 4 minutes,
of actually being somewhere,

and knowing you are there,

and telling about it while being in it. True.


He's dead, while those ideas inside that never-ending river
... In that song... Still lives.


Yet... There's hundreds of true stories... From similar positions, inside similar places,watching the wheels go round... And sometimes in reverse..., ...

Ray Charles... Einstein, Bucky Fuller,
Joan Baez, Cindy Lauper...Yeah even Donald Trump, on occasion,
and millions of others, all sexes, all races,
... If you were ever here, and showed up 100%, even if for just one milli-second in your life,
and wrote a song or invented a dream, or saw a truth, while in that place
...Which by the is in inevitable, because it's the true source of true power, presence, creativity,
charm, innovation... Inspiration...

and yes...Most times at the edge of a sword or a cliff,

you become just like millions of others before you.

and just barely moving us all forward by what evidence you leave and how wide it speaks.

...85% of our mothers...

Maybe even 40 to 60 % of our fathers......

maybe 5% OF OUR RICH LAWYER POLITICIANS.

Yeah... They ALL gave enough, just by showing up as 100%,
for a tiny, tiny...Speck of time,

And the rest is still sailing forward... Out of that... Infinite...


and there's really no work other than this...



there's what we all have to make peace with what we do to have money.

but then there is what really really so really do...

when we just show up 100%.



Complete, ongoing... Past all barriers and equations.

Nothing more...Nothing less...

and oh so obvious, walking through walls.

and oh so obvious,

traveling beyond time....



Like the spokes of a wheel, rolling backwards in slo mo.


Wipe your ideas from your brain, and your expectations.

The republicans, the democrats, the anarchists, the revolutionaries,

None of them has a formula close to the one you could get if you arrive where you sit or stand.

And notice what you notice while you hold that space.

...Fun to watch, but whether anyone sees it happen or not,
..It still is what it is,

no matter what you learned, what you think...


you still see it... I see it... We all see it...

The wheels rolling backwards, time separates from your edges,

and ...The world is flat.




If you decide to stay on one place.. And avoid the ocean.

And choose to not look too far.

and admit what you see...

You'll see where you're going and make a few steps,

across a small puddle, that exists only in your perception.

But in the end... Few ... Ever... Really ... Ever...
realize...That they do not ... Really ever ...Go very far...Go far at all...

And the world is flat.

as it should be;...

Time stands still,

as it always will.

otherwise... It would never make sense.

turning lead into gold.




Let's put it this way,
Everybody is choosing how far to see,
which horizon to measure their distances against... Or distance to,
...Which stars to guide their way.

But most do so automatically, and save no truth for the power....No power for the truth.


Yet... Miracles... The flash of intermittent light... Everywhere...And...
and if we are lucky, or unlucky... We cross each other's paths.
...And it's just about...How far, how wide, how important, or any other reason,
... To decide, to peace out with it... And discover, a reason to take the steps.
together...Or separate...
and from that moment of NEXT... What of your bigger self, comes along?

... Just ...How to decide if it's gonna be ok.
Is a thing you have to decide in your own cost-benefit equation.
... From one step to the next.


However far you got, whatever it was you did... Who you touched,
write it all down, sell a million copies...
Notice, that it actually lasts beyond your expectations...For as r it ever goes... That was only heart to heart... Almost nowhere.

the world is flat.

A peak reality... A stillness amidst the chaos.

you carry it with you.

...And just showing up... That's all it took.



Anytime anyone ever sat with THAT,
they brought back a witness to truth.

telling tales of metaphor,
that debate what you think is real.

breaking open a whole new foundation that eventually builds beneath it,
and explains why it is so...

then replicated, through the new laws deciphered.

Guess what... Such will always be the case.

Except...Why look to others for direction?

when you are already there.


If you stand, you stayed on the flat... The walk across... And it all matched up.

and guess what... Most folks just see ghosts at that last equation, from their distance,
and would rather applaud you or I or anyone else...Forward.

I heard it in Evil Kneivel's pride...his dance with that only route he could see,
to peak reality..

"I got the best surgeons in the world, they can fix anything,
I have broken every bone in my body, and I'm going to keep moving"

Well.

It would be great if he would allow himself to be wheeled among us,
to denounce those pronouncements... Because there's not enough painkillers available,
for him to be able to take a peaceful AWAKE walk through central park.

of complete one golf swing... Much less any kind of golf, or chess game.

Be careful what you declare at the top of your personal Mount Everest.


It's not your ideas that got you there.


You found something to represent an achievement,
... And then achieved it... And noticed that you might be close to 100% in the Moment.

But it wasn't what you achieved...

It was you showing up.



... And most who get interviewed, as if what they did to show up,
was so enormously great...

well... Maybe it was.. While they were 100%,
... And the simplicity of a simple kiss, ... Far more... Far more than the story.

They'll think they show up for the coffee, the sweet younger tits, and the ride home.
And they will seek to repeat the formula, any old day... Who wouldn't...

... But they will eventually end up getting wheeled through the park,
...Even if it's just to watch a young new family sharing it all,
... And they may not notice, that they are there 100%,
seeing from a distance, what they climbed Mount Everest to get...

and it was already there...From a distance.

... And then... If it's that day ...To die,
those ones that get to see it...They'll be glad they weren't alone.
... Along the way...., and maybe notice when they were there,
but forgot it while it was real...

and just gambled it all on a pole dancer.

Nothing more nothing less.

I've always thought that the whole " journey " part was just...
real enough, for developing the story line, for telling about it.
... If you survive.

And making it real.... Well that either was, or wasn't.

And maybe YOU don't even know... While you're in it.


the...Then and the now... Both the same,

the time standing still infinity meets infinity.

and the world is flat.

you're sitting in the park.

"Yeah, that's what I did, that's how it went, that's what it means".



And now...

I get to sequey;
... For real... Because it's real , ...Right now...
cause... I really turn my head, and I meet one of my pet spiders.
Yeah...One of my pet spiders. A Wolf spider. I love them.


I haven't seen these in the daylight, in the while, not this big, ...In awhile.
But I feel them exploring me at night and I wake up knowing where they were.
and that they climbed me like a mountain, finding stuff to eat.

...And I have been sort of glad I slept through it.

I was getting tired of killing the huge ones, once every two months.
when they got big enough to challenge me, make a show and a parade.

I always wondered, what was it that caused me to turn my head, right then?

them seeing me?


Who says intelligence is based on brain size.

Most humans use 10% or less.

And... You know...There is such a thing as Hive Mind...

But that's another blog.

I love spiders, these days.

I've discovered a few Black Widows...
But not yet here, though I know they are around.

I'd talk to them, just like these, first...Being glad the