Something Like a Valentine

It was about 2 years ago... in the Spring.

I was hijacked on a premise.

In theory somebody I was helping, wanted to give me a vacation from strain, as well as offer me an apology for selling me down a river... in a handbasket... Something I had figured out, that embarassed them and made them get on their knees , crying and begging forgiveness... well...that was good enough for me..that along with the commitment to fix the goofy rumor they created out of fear...

My counter proposal suggested by me, was this; "Let me dive in deeper and help you more" So... they wanted to just wander around Hawaii and let folks carry luggage and spend money on massages... etc... food.. etc... I said..."fine"... but it wasn't necessary. I could have just settled for a few decent silent or tranquil walks together in a local park...that plus fixing my reputation, they had helped destroy...that was good enough... no money needed to be spent. But since they insisted on this "break from stress", I suggested, yeah... like I said...I suggested "hey, let me help you more!"

For me, this meant helping them to see and meet the REAL people.

To start seeing the baggage carriers and valets as something more than just items, or robots, who get tipped. Sure... they insisted on showcasing their world to me...the kind that Spielberg and others had walked inside of, just weeks before we'd arrived....but I countered that idea-plan and insisted on showcasing my world inside of theirs... meeting the real people....the ones who deliver the food, cook the food...trim the manicured lawns...perform the massages.

This is all a touchy subject now.

It's not that I don't appreciate the "vacation"...but it soon started to be a sort of "weight" for me to carry, unless I found another way...and I was so surprised that that other way was right there and ready to be experienced...Holy Moly! I didn't have to walk inside that as an artificial world, anymore.... Yeah... sure was that way for me, those days, artificial ... at first for a few minutes each day...so I filmed it... and somehow I was seeing new...through new art eyes...unbelievable... 

At the very same time, I was realizing, I didn't curse it. Something had expanded in my heart from various losses over the years. ... yeah I enjoyed the idea of "time off"...but I also saw the artificial insulated world for what it was... a world of empty living unless we filled it further with life...unless we BROUGHT our full selves into it...complimented people, and really tried to bring something from our hearts to share along the way. ...I couldn't help but noticing that the part which was insulated from us, also exchanged reality with emptiness, and could fill it with life...

AND THE PART I had to let go of, in order to truly be there, was my own self-judgement. 

so, on my cue, we gathered ourselves and really endeavored to meet everyone we could meet. Being wherever we were 100%... Truly showing up inside each day. 

Seeing others not as backgrounds for our travel, but as participants. Folks who either shared our path...or carried the luggage for us, also shared our air, our vibration..., our time...as we shared ours with them...

You know what? 

Those folks who parked the cars were always amazed that it mattered to me how the day was going for them... it wasn't some empty "how yah doing"...but a real conversation...and this surprised the person footing the bill... Because she was finding the part of herself she had prayed to find... We soon found out whether others had hopes or dreams they were building by doing that work, carrying or cooking for us. . And YES, it was super necesssary for me to carry the luggage, too, right beside them...and they always got a better tip as well. I would not allow it any other way.

I really don't want to start any wars over this...

or sound like a saint.

You have to notice I am sharing this for a reason...and the reason matters.

I have to say... I felt at peace this time around seeing inside the life I could have had if I had gone to war against my betraying business partner, of years before. I experienced , once again what it could have been like to be part of the "jet set"... How my version would have been far different than th edownfall I had feared... 

For me, the folks carrying the bags and cooking the meals made more sense...felt more like potential friends, borthers, sisters, and family, than most... I also saw compatriots among the folks on the airport buses... among the "tourists" at the resaurants, in th emuseums, or on planes with us. . Something inside me was different.... .

The way most folks allow for the discrepancy between the "haves" and the "have nots" is 99% of the reason I had walked out of my early recording deals... Why I was almost glad that some opportunities had been stolen by folks who had been raised in wealth, all through out my life...the secret envious competitors who haven't the talent, the ones who took the credit.... Up till that Hawaii trip, I had found a certain peace in knowing that not having a vicious high powered attorney protecting my process , I had let folks hijack my ideas or steal my share of whatever was built in my life till now.But now I could truly see that it was not peace...it was a goofy kind of stupidity that my judgement had clouded.

I think a part of me never wanted to lose my connection with the earth... I chose for good reasons, to leave myself out of wht I had desreved. I let jokers steal my wife...yet...I saw I was a fool...in certain ways. The premise that kindness and compassoin cannot go hand in hand with reward, that was the goofy part. Silly me...to say the least. It's a hard thing to admit to. And why I can't allow folks to convince me, anymore...who the "enemy is". 

With my judgement gone, I saw where I could have made a difference. 

I would love to suggest to everyone, who reads this... That if you have a hit record, but you treat a valet like garbage you are a failure, in my world.

Yeah...and I mean it.

But me saying it all those years was me being stupid...in other words, I was at least 90% of the problem. Think of the difference I could have made if I had collected a Grammy and taken the common vision along with me to the podium... what a fool I was ...what a fool I was...

And if I step back up and do my thing, then meet you...I won't be shaking your hand if you are an egotistical bastard...but I won't be cursing you either...I will just be the one who already left. I'll have to assume, now , that my own visin is clouded...that I may not be correct about who you are...that everyone learns about life in their own way...that stepping away allows confusion to grow, if we have something to offer...but refuse to share it. Maybe it was just the wrong day to cross paths. My version of such an experience is not necessarily the truth...since I know we all have to bring the beauty with us...if we curse or reject others, we have brought dirt... a great reason to leave...but don't blame it on anybody but yourself.



Hey, check it out...I actually met some really good hearted people who were traveling on their retirement money and showing compassion everywhere they went, on the trip to Hawaii.

It surprised me.


I had to understand where and when I had actually dropped my judgement in the years leading to that... and guess what... it was when I was living on the street that I had fixed my vision.... somewhere in my plea to God for something better than an empty life in the grey world. Seeing that new part of me, helped me to understand that I knew myslef to be more than a person invented by God to crucify others.


I think I let myself off the hook and discovered I had become a contributor... I realized my new vision had let me off the hook... I didn't have to worry about losing my soul to money ...anymore. 

In a sense I ws a little more clean...therefore anything I create from here on out, wellit won't be tainted by idiocy. Looking back, I realize there's ways to spread the wealth back among the people and build a world we can all love to live in.

In other words... I was wrong to judge...and maybe 20 years back I could have found a way to find a mentor who used the position to enhance people lives.

Yeah. 

So. I admit it here.

Letting greedy folks cheat me out of money or credit or opportunity...that actually hurt the people I could have helped...

I am confused no more.


As the wheel turns around and the spin stops at my door again... if it does, I will step up and recieve it and multiply it and then give back...just like my true heros do.


I don't want to embarass them by mentioning them here. They are well known... Because they were born of earth, or had parents who were born of earth, they reflect decency that I know I can be someday, as long as I leave my judgement outside the door. 

The only way I can honestly know that what I write here is true, is because I held on to my ideals all the way towards losing an indoor place to sleep. I lived in my truck in one of the wealthiest communities on earth... I got arrested eventually for being there and tossed out of there... It took all that for me to realize that putting my own life in danger in those industrial gang infested areas, ...well, that was just stupid.

Integrity has more to do with how you recieve rewards from what you build, and then what you build with THAT...allowing folks to reward you and vote for you with confidence. 

Seeing it all as a responsibility and grabbing ahold of it and using it on behalf of the people ...that's Integrity...it is NOT living poor and letting someone steal from you and destroy your relationship with your own kids.

It took me living the life of a beggar to know that there is a difference.

I never begged, but I did feel completely deserted...by God.

Now I understand how folks who hit the streets and live in concrete go crazy.

All of us play a part...and it's not money they need.

Nor pity.

If you clear your head and see an equal, and believe in them for their potential...then smile and encourage them to continue...you can heal them, and notice that you also heal yourself.

You know, if I had some money to hand to somebody living in a cardboard box, ...these days, there's not really much to give them...a few dollars is all...but ALWAYS before it hits their hand, I raise it to the sky and I tell them, "let's ask Creator to help us see it multiply and for you to get comfort and become your dream come true".

When people brighten up , hearing those words...they get every cent I have... I search and find whatever there is and load it over to them... That light in their eyes shining is what does it... Cause I know they are going to do just that.

Last week , I saw a skit on Saturday Night live. It included all the objectified, demeaning versions of what society believes a homeless person is. Such despicable characterizations of our shared shame, basically showcase how far we all have fallen.

If I can rebuild my own foundation these next couple years, the vision I have is bringing folks back to what they can create with their own hands.

So many artisans out there, so many who can make our world brighter and more beautiful...mumbling to themselves.. on street corners, in gutters... 

The ones who want to bring that spark forward, and create with it...will be expressing God/Goddess' gifts for us all. We will see our grey dirty world come back to color and harmony and sustenance... all the colors of race working together in relation to the creative flow; God/Goddess flow as expressed through them.

Aren't you ready to find a way out of noise, pollution, emptiness, and greed?

All around this world, are folks we all can feed...if we release ourselves from fear...and share.

I want anybody who reads this, who might see me begin to prosper again someday, to remind me. kick my ass if I forget. Talk is cheap ...and Judgement is worse.


It's taken me awhile, but when I wake up in the day ...or go out into the world, if I see holes everywhere, or confusion everywhere, that just might be, because I never offered what I had to the mix.

None of the really great people are known to us as REALLY GEAT, are known for walking around and condemning anything.


They walked into it... became part of it, dug their hands into it, and made a difference... and kept the promise of a real life, by offering or encouraging what was missing to grow.


There can be nothing other than this...or it's just a sad empty life with regret at the last breath.

And when I say that, I am not talking about YOU now, ... I am talking about ME.


Happy Valentine's day.... offer somebody a true heartfelt smile who has a slightly empty heart... let it be an old enemy or a stranger... and notice how the world starts to glow. ESPECIALLY YOURS.

Thanks.

-toe knee stanger